Not Going Through With Adoption

superturtlekitty

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My fiance and I were part of a foster-to-adopt program, and have decided not to continue to the second step. We were paired with a year old cat who had been feral for his first 6 months, and then separated from his bonded sister by the rescue organization. We weren't told this until we became concerned with his behavior after 5 months and did some further searching.

We really wanted to help this cat. But, while he bonded with his environment, he did not bond with us. At first he would avoid us, but now he's growling and hissing whenever we're within a few feet of him. This is difficult, because his hiding place is under our bed. Every day after work, I come home and sit across from his hiding spot and talk to him and read. He never comes out. I place treats and wet food, pheromone sprays, toys... nothing. He waits me out.

We asked the organization to put him back up for adoption, but that we'd be happy to foster until a better home--preferably one with a cat already--comes along. But I feel so guilty and bad. I know this is the entire point of foster-to-adopt, and if we had been told about this cat's past, we would have asked to be paired with a different one. And we're not letting him just go off, we'll continue to care for this cat until a better home is found, and a better home will only be better for the cat in the end. But I still feel terrible.

Has anyone else been through this?
 

Kieka

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First of all, shame on the agency for not telling you the whole story and putting a feral with you (and separating a bond). That aside I feel for you. In a position you weren't ready for is hard and now the feeling that you are giving up.

If you are willing to move him to a room where he can't hide and try again while waiting things might get better. He probably started hissing and growling because it got an affect he wanted. I am firmly against allowing feral cats to hide and think they do best in a crate or environment with a cave that is accessible if you are trying to socialize. But I am sure you did research into that once you figured out the truth and don't want to get too far off topic...

Ferals take a lot of time and dedication and it is not for everyone. Especially if you go into it expecting a normal pet cat. There is no shame in saying it isn't what you signed up for and not what you want. I have a little one who came to me feral at 4 months old. She's been with us for two years and (seriously) just yesterday my Mom was super excited to tell me that Rocket let her walk up and pet her without running away. The funny thing is how much of a victory that felt like. But I know plenty of people out there don't want a cat who they have to spend two years caring for before they can walk up and pet it.

Bottom line, no I haven't been in your exact position. I took a different route socializing and got her directly when she was younger. But I know how ferals can be and the time and effort it takes. I can't say I would do the same. However, I understand your decision and don't judge you negatively for it. You have tried and are willing to keep him until another home can be found. You are doing the best you can with a situation you didn't sign up for. I know that no response will make you feel better about this situation. But please remember you are doing more than most would for him and have really tried. Sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to.
 

IndyJones

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I don't think it's a good idea to have no hiding spots at all. Maybe have a kitty condo for at least one hiding spot.

Fight or flight response would probably cause a cat to behave agressivly if it has no place to hide. This response is seen when a cat is cornered.
 
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superturtlekitty

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If you are willing to move him to a room where he can't hide and try again while waiting things might get better.

---

(Sorry idk how to quote on this site!!!)
Thank you for your reply. I highlighted this part because I had been thinking about putting him back in his starter room. Do you think that would help? I just worry that, since he's had the run of the house for a while, he'll get angry or upset. Is there a guide to "starting over" with socialization? He does have a few places to hide in there, but they're more easily accessible and I was still able to pet him. Under the bed (and in the drawers under the bed) I can't do much.

We're absolutely still wanting to work with and make this cat as comfortable as possible. We just have no experience with feral cats, or cats who are part of a broken bond (I'm seriously very angry they let the bond get broken), and it's been hard to find tips on our situation online.

Thank you again for both of your responses--IndyJones, if we do move him back to the starter room, he will have a few quiet places to hide!
 

Kieka

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Starting over would just be going back to day 1. He is scared and has settled into a routine you don't want him to be in. So breaking him out of it and going back to the beginning is probably best.

I'd go back to the starter room. When he is comfortable being pet then let him into another room. Open the home up one room at a time and take him back to the starter room in the evenings or when you are gone. If he just hides when you go in a new room go right back into the starter room. We did much the same with Rocket going from her crate as the safety instead of a room though (she was only a pound and it was a large crate). And I didn't mean to imply no hiding spaces but the hiding spot should be one in which you can still see him and access without too much trouble. Rocket had a little cloth cave bed and when she explored new rooms we brought it along so she had a known safety spot in exploring the new area.

Which .... if he like the cave type cat beds in his starter room you could spread them out throughout the house. Let him use it a few days so it smells right or have it in his room. Then put it in the new room before expanding his boundaries. So he has his smell in there. When you get back to your room again block off the under so he can't get back in there and make sure to clean it well after he is out so it doesn't draw him in.
 

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Add on... I would also make an effort to go in his room around the same times each day. After breakfast, when you get home from work, before bed. Structure on when people come in could help him feel comfortable with it.

@red top rescue has some feral socialization experience if I remember right.
 
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superturtlekitty

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Thank you so much for the suggestions and help! The only issue is that, when we opened the house to him (a relatively small townhouse, so not much to "unveil") he refused to be pet any longer. Like, he was only tolerating it in the starter room because he had to, but as soon as he was able to run away, he did. If he returns to that, do we just start over again?

Thanks again for all of your help and advice, I really appreciate it!
 

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With Rocket the second she ran and hid we went right back to the crate. She still isn't super approachable but she doesn't run and hide from us. So I would take him back in the room when he actively is trying to hide.

Maybe some baby gates or pet play pen type set ups in the other parts of the house would help? Either to reduce the part of the room he has access to or give him a defined area he has access to. If he was fine in his room and had trouble with the rest I think maybe the rest was rushed of when he found the space under the bed he reverted to comfort.
 
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superturtlekitty

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If he was fine in his room and had trouble with the rest I think maybe the rest was rushed of when he found the space under the bed he reverted to comfort.
I think you're exactly right. Since the downstairs is one open area, and the upstairs is just two bedrooms, after we had introduced the upstairs we just figured we'd introduce the downstairs all at once. Thank you for pointing this out, and we'll be sure to do better at reintroducing the house to him.

Should we expect any behavior changes when we put him back in the starter room? I'm sure he won't be too thrilled to go from having the run of the place to being back in one room.
 

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He might surprise you and be more comfortable. I would plan on if being like his first day there but he might smell himself in the room too and be completely relaxed. The room he has been hiding in should be cleaned well with cleaner designed to remove cat smells (Natures Miracle for example). You might not smell it but you want him to think it's a brand new room when he gets back there.
 
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superturtlekitty

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Great, hey it's worth the shot! We've always fed him in that room, so I guess I'll "reset" it for him and then keep him there after he goes in for dinner. And then it's time to take the vacuum cleaner to the drawers under the bed! :p (And the rest of the bedroom)

And then once he's more friendly and willing to be pet, we should slowly reintroduce him to the rest of the house? I know there's no way of knowing how long time-wise it'll take, but behavior-wise what should we be looking for as a cue to him being ready for another area of the house?
 

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With Rocket it was when she started letting us pet her and stopped herself from hiding the second we walked in. You could see her initially go "hide!" And then the second later "they are okay" and back as if we hadn't walked in.
 
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superturtlekitty

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With Rocket it was when she started letting us pet her and stopped herself from hiding the second we walked in. You could see her initially go "hide!" And then the second later "they are okay" and back as if we hadn't walked in.
Great. Thanks so much for all of your help. We'll definitely restart and go from there. Hopefully things will improve, and if not, she has a safe place to stay with us until a better match is found. Thanks again!
 

kittens mom

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First the rescue was way off base separating a bonded pair. I have a bonded pair of sisters and they need each other. The rescue set you up to fail. I hope you unload as nicely as possible how this impacted your life and the cats. Good people can make bad decisions and learn.
You're getting excellent advice here think of starting all over as a reset and a second chance to start over. Even if you end up not adopting working on socializing her will benefit the cat and you.
 
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superturtlekitty

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First the rescue was way off base separating a bonded pair. I have a bonded pair of sisters and they need each other. The rescue set you up to fail. I hope you unload as nicely as possible how this impacted your life and the cats. Good people can make bad decisions and learn.
You're getting excellent advice here think of starting all over as a reset and a second chance to start over. Even if you end up not adopting working on socializing her will benefit the cat and you.
Yeah, when we realized he was not getting any better socially, we thought back to them telling us that he had a sibling. I searched back on their facebook page and saw that they had advertised the two of them needing to be adopted together. I have no idea what happened after that and can only assume that they willingly and knowingly separated a bonded pair. So we ended up with a broken bond, semi-feral cat.

But thank you, I really appreciate the advice we've been given! If things turn around, then it will be super great. And, if not, we'll at least be on a better path to socialization, and he won't have to deal with another change in environment until a better home is found.
 

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You may be expecting too much from your cat. Or, better...You may just be expecting "something" from your cat.
Don't.
You should provide your cat with food, water, litterbox, and take care of each, and it.
Then just go about your normal routine, yet share your space.
"Good" interaction will eventually develop. It just needs to be on the cats terms.
If I had to pick a favorite? It would probably be the cat that lets me scratch the back of her head, once a day, two or three scrubs. And that's all I get, for at least a day. Sometimes, on a weekend, she'll jump up in my lap while I'm drinking my morning coffee, curl up for 20 minutes, then....not again for a month.
She's always around. She just prefers her people at arms reach plus and inch.
 

IndyJones

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First the rescue was way off base separating a bonded pair. I have a bonded pair of sisters and they need each other. The rescue set you up to fail. I hope you unload as nicely as possible how this impacted your life and the cats. Good people can make bad decisions and learn.
You're getting excellent advice here think of starting all over as a reset and a second chance to start over. Even if you end up not adopting working on socializing her will benefit the cat and you.
Indy was separated from her brother Gibons as well. I don't really know why they separated them especially when apparently Gibbons was "bonded on his sister like glue" to quote his bio. I don't really know why but it might have had to do with Indy's weepy eye and wheezing attacks (asthma?)

Indy has Kabby though who despite being 9 is still able to keep up with a teen.
 

kittens mom

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Indy was separated from her brother Gibons as well. I don't really know why they separated them especially when apparently Gibbons was "bonded on his sister like glue" to quote his bio. I don't really know why but it might have had to do with Indy's weepy eye and wheezing attacks (asthma?)

Indy has Kabby though who despite being 9 is still able to keep up with a teen.
Stress = herpes flare ups in cats.
I don't think we've even begun to tap the connection between stress in animals and humans and the long term health effects including behavior /social issues.
 

kittens mom

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You may be expecting too much from your cat. Or, better...You may just be expecting "something" from your cat.
Don't.
You should provide your cat with food, water, litterbox, and take care of each, and it.
Then just go about your normal routine, yet share your space.
"Good" interaction will eventually develop. It just needs to be on the cats terms.
If I had to pick a favorite? It would probably be the cat that lets me scratch the back of her head, once a day, two or three scrubs. And that's all I get, for at least a day. Sometimes, on a weekend, she'll jump up in my lap while I'm drinking my morning coffee, curl up for 20 minutes, then....not again for a month.
She's always around. She just prefers her people at arms reach plus and inch.
I've had bonds with feral cats that did not include touching. But they eventually learned to make eye contact and vocalize often seeking my company outside. Most interesting is when they produced a litter ( this was before we had any s/n options out here) they would bring the kits and allow me maul them and get them used to being handled. Even though they would not allow the same. This allowed me to home most of them. We underestimate their intelligence by miles. In this case the rescue was off base separating two older bonding siblings.
Be interesting. I don't know if wand toys were brought up. They are great for establishing at arms length interaction.
 
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