Has anyone had a cat that preferred men/women?

growlithe66

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 28, 2016
Messages
40
Purraise
15
We adopted our Siamese about 4 months ago. He was brought in to an emergency hospital with a broken leg, and was going to be euthanized since family could not afford care for him. A good friend of mine who works at the hospital offered to take him (temporarily) if they surrendered him, and look for a permanent home. We ended up taking Henry and got him the orthopedic surgery he needed. He could not use the leg for months after the surgery, was on several meds multiple times a day, etc. During this time, my fiancee and I both cared for him, but I being the one who had wanted to take him, I did most of the work. He is now a happy, playful, totally healed kitty, but despite the fact that I was the one who interacted with him most, he is TOTALLY head over heels for my fiancee and has completely bonded to him- always wants to sit in his lap, follows him around, etc. I was a bit confused because I have always been told Siamese bond so strongly with owners- I guess I expected him to be this way with both of us. He will lay next to me occasionally, but not very often. It is obvious who he cares for the most, which I'm okay with, since one of our other cats kind of acts the same way but with me. In fact, Henry has even sat over my fiancee for over an hour just watching him sleep. He is constantly trying to be on top of him!

Today my stepfather came to visit and stay with us, and immediately Henry took a liking to him as well. Right now as I'm typing this, he's lying right in my stepdad's lap- something he never wants to do with me. This is the same cat I spent months nursing tirelessly each day, had to bring into the emergency hospital multiple times for bad medication reactions, etc. lol. My mom suggested that maybe with his original family (Who he spent his first 7 years with), he was strongly bonded with a male in the family, and it's carried over to his new family. As far as I know, there might not really be any reason at all. Sometimes I feel a little hurt over it considering I have coddled and spoiled him relentlessly, but cats will be cats.

Anyway, long read, I know.. sorry! :) Has anyone else had an experience with this, and if so, what type of kitty did you have?
 

elliesvictim

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Sep 20, 2016
Messages
287
Purraise
118
It might be a the case that your fiancé is aloof and that might inspire your cat to want his attention.
Cats are pretty cluey so your cat might also know this bothers you.
I sometimes feed a stray that lives downstairs. Every time I go downstairs my cat thinks I'm feeding this cat and runs up meowing and rubbing up against my legs.
Also, who feeds him, cats bond with the food provider.
So try being aloof, don't chase he's attention and he the only one who feeds him.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3

growlithe66

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 28, 2016
Messages
40
Purraise
15
It's funny you say that- he is somewhat aloof with the cats. We both feed them equally, so I'll have to try and act a little less involved with him and see what he does!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #4

growlithe66

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 28, 2016
Messages
40
Purraise
15
Here he is sitting on top of my stepdad. It almost seems like he's guarding him, similar to how he acts like he's guarding my fiancee when he naps.

 

magister

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Oct 29, 2014
Messages
136
Purraise
15
Location
British Empire
If I had to guess, I'd say it was smell; in Henry's case, the difference between male and female human scent.

One of mine, Kîa, did not like any of the five or so Indian couriers who delivered to my place during the time I had her. She was perfectly fine with everybody else, and definitely none of those concerned tried to hurt or frighten her in any way. Bizarrely, she was just as wary of a friend of mine, who is part Indian.


Since, obviously, she could have had no concept of race, my conclusion was that it must have been a difference in smell. Of course, I have no idea whether any of the Indian couriers liked curry, but the friend, an excellent cook, used it a great deal. I can assume only that it was this that bothered her (I don't mind it, but don't bother using it in anything myself).


When first I got Rîna and Tällia, they were more comfortable with women than men, having been fostered and cared for primarily by a woman as very young kittens. I live alone, and both bonded to me straight away, but at first, both were just a little more wary of any other male; females were fine.


Over forty years ago, friends of my parents had a dog who absolutely hated Italians: so much so that they did not dare take her for a walk if they knew certain neighbours would be out and about. I believe they thought it may have had something to do with an Italian postman who may have done something to frighten or upset her, and again, she'd learnt to associate certain scent markers. Whatever it was, it resulted in a couple of very nasty incidents before they realised what was going on; at one point, during a walk, the dog nearly attacked an Italian woman in the street before she could be controlled and pulled away.
 
Last edited:

louche

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 15, 2016
Messages
22
Purraise
27
Location
ugh usa
If Henry was surrendered at the hospital to you, maybe he still has a degree of association with you and the pain? Especially since you are the one who did most of the caretaking. It might sound like overkill but maybe this, plus your husband's being aloof, might be entwined.

Sassy was a friendly cat, and would take to my parents when they are in town, but especially my dad. My mom is convinced all cats simply hate her and has little feline understanding; she has better canine understanding so I think her expectation is set to that. Grimmy on the other hand, partly opposite of Sassy, prefers coming to you and doesn't completely embrace others coming to her. She's very much the cat who pokes you and keeps poking, when you finally go to touch her, she runs off ;P even if all she wants to do is have a nice sit down and petting haha. She also has a higher negative association issue than Sassy.
 

paiger8

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Sep 27, 2015
Messages
574
Purraise
163
Location
Des Moines, Iowa
My cats are male/female litter mates. The boy prefers me 100%, and the girl will come and sit on my lap if I'm alone... but if my boyfriend is over, she's all over him. I suspect because he lets her lick his hands (her favorite) and I don't. I'm trying to break her of the habit but it's not working.
  

Even in bed, the boy sleeps on my legs, and the girl sleeps next to my boyfriend. Every time. 
 

Primula

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 1, 2010
Messages
6,838
Purraise
533
Location
Connecticut, USA
My female Looby Loo even after 2 years will not go anywhere near my husband. For absolutely no reason. If she is eating & he walks by she will run away.
 

imaginewizard

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Dec 30, 2016
Messages
174
Purraise
85
Location
Newcastle, UK
I've found that it's common among a lot of cats who only like a certain amount of attention to prefer the human who ignores them, rather than the cat loving human who keeps loving on them! :p My cat seems to be very curious about my dad, who doesn't like handling animals (which is bizzare, because he grew up on a farm), so only politely acknowledges River. 

If I find myself worrying I have bothered River by giving him too much attention, I proceed to spend the next day or two completely blanking him. He soon misses the attention and becomes really affectionate again! :p 
 

elliesvictim

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Sep 20, 2016
Messages
287
Purraise
118
If we're all honest what we think cat behaviour is, is really our best guess.
I used to house share with a lady that had a 2 yo male tabby. It hated everyone often including its owner. It's favourite jerk thing to do was free fall from the top of the couch to wedge itself between your back and the couch when you were lying down. It then proceeded to claw your back to get you to jump up. Then he would wander off. So it wasn't even that he wanted to sit there he was just being a jerk. He did this to everyone.
One day he wedged himself between me and the couch. I tensed my back and held him there so he couldn't claw my back. Left him there for about half an hour to teach him a lesson.
Expect him to avoid/dislike me. Never seen a cat fawn over anyone. He suddenly followed me everywhere, played (nicely) with me, waited for me when I got home, sat on my chest or near me while I slept and watched me sleep. Non of us expected that including a very, very jealous owner.
So as I say cats ar weird, they do weird stuff.
 

tarasgirl06

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
24,708
Purraise
64,893
Location
Glendale, CATifornia
There have been many cats in my life so far, through single and non-single times for me.  Two of the flirtiest of my little girls, a Birman-type and a Snowshoe-type, both LOVED my ex.  I could never figure out why they gave him such preferential treatment, sashaying up to him and acting like he was a male cat they wanted to attract, when I was the one who fed and spent most time with them.!   Everyone else seemed/seems pretty even-pawed, I'm happy to say.  
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #14

growlithe66

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 28, 2016
Messages
40
Purraise
15
These replies are all great! They certainly make me feel better about my situation :)
 

floofnugget

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Oct 16, 2015
Messages
31
Purraise
46
Oh my god yes. Tempura LOVES men. It drives my female roommate crazy because she tries her best with Tempura but Tempura's pretty indifferent. However, my boyfriend, any man that visits (even maintenance men) Tempura is purring up a storm, immediately flops over for a belly rub, tries to cuddle, etc. It's extremely obvious. She loves me, but she also lived with me in a studio apartment for most of a year before really being exposed to men. She does sense cat people though and is friendlier with women who have cats But there is no difference with men, ALL men get her attention. I joke that if she were a human, her flirting tactic would be to immediately sprawl out on the bar in front of a man, and she'd be one of the ladies flirting with every single dude.
 

mservant

The Mouse servant
Veteran
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
18,064
Purraise
3,451
Location
The Mouse Pad, UK
I can totally identify here:  I am confident that Mouse adores me, but present him with a male human and he will make a bee line for them every time.  
  
  It doesn't matter whether it's a person who ignores him or someone who's all over him pampering, picking him up and tormenting him with belly rubs and kisses while all the time making grumbling and growling noises to cover up the decidedly non-rough and tumble bonding time they are enjoying.  
   He's been the same since before I adopted him.   I would go visit and play with him then one time I went with my (then 15 year old) nephew and that was it.... bee to honey-pot.  I hardly got a look in that day.  
    

Then once I brought Mouse home, whenever I had a male visitor like one of my brothers, the nephew who had come to visit him prior to me bringing him home, or friends he would be looking to play and then curling up round their feet.  In general, Mouse will fall in love with anyone who shows him attention and doesn't have a loud, shouty voice.    I had a couple lodging with me for a while and although Mouse loved attention from all of us, and it was me he would miss most if I wasn't around and would sleep on my bed not theirs, it was hilarious to see the two 'men' hanging out.   Mouse would trot about the flat looking up at the guy with the most ridiculous, adoring gaze in his eyes.   They'd play with one treat or food biscuit for about 20 minutes and Mouse would never tire of the game - if it had been me playing he would have been complaining after about 2 minutes.  
     (Actually I could watch them playing for an entire day it was so cute, and the gruff, manly noises the guy would make to cover up how silly they were being was too funny.  
  )

My theory is it's down to the smell, like how he loves men's feet.  My nephew, in his 15 year old boy thinking way, figured it was because Mouse had his 'manly bits' taken away from him when he was only about 10 weeks old and likes to be around men because he misses his testosterone.  
    I guess we will never know, but it is hard to take when it feels like your cat continually rejects you in favour of any male that comes in to your life.  


Oh, and my previous 2 female cats weren't really bothered as long as a person showed them attention, preferrably offered them food of some kind, and didn't shout loudly. 
 
Top