I'm curious as a cat so....

fhicat · May 21, 2015

No offense/just saying. These have become a form of license to insult others. As long as you insert "no offense" and "just saying" at the end of the sentence, you can say anything insulting; it was "no offense" since you were "just saying". It's a great way to completely abdicate responsibility. You no longer need to face the consequences of your words, or stand by what you say. Just add in "no offense", "just saying", because you KNOW that you're about to say something insulting.

No pun intended. Clearly it was intended, otherwise you wouldn't draw attention to it. Similar to the above, if it was a bad/horrible pun, now you have an escape phrase! "I told you it wasn't intended!"

kittywhiskers · May 22, 2015

FhiCat said:
No offense/just saying. These have become a form of license to insult others. As long as you insert "no offense" and "just saying" at the end of the sentence, you can say anything insulting; it was "no offense" since you were "just saying". It's a great way to completely abdicate responsibility. You no longer need to face the consequences of your words, or stand by what you say. Just add in "no offense", "just saying", because you KNOW that you're about to say something insulting.

No pun intended. Clearly it was intended, otherwise you wouldn't draw attention to it. Similar to the above, if it was a bad/horrible pun, now you have an escape phrase! "I told you it wasn't intended!"

Would this be how you viewed my first post in this thread?

Winchester · May 22, 2015

FhiCat said:
No offense/just saying. These have become a form of license to insult others. As long as you insert "no offense" and "just saying" at the end of the sentence, you can say anything insulting; it was "no offense" since you were "just saying". It's a great way to completely abdicate responsibility. You no longer need to face the consequences of your words, or stand by what you say. Just add in "no offense", "just saying", because you KNOW that you're about to say something insulting.

No pun intended. Clearly it was intended, otherwise you wouldn't draw attention to it. Similar to the above, if it was a bad/horrible pun, now you have an escape phrase! "I told you it wasn't intended!"

Just saying. Just saying.....what? I never did understand that phrase. People write a paragraph about something and then they finish by writing "Just saying". What? What are you just saying?? I don't get it. I must be very obtuse because I don't get it.

Kat0121 · May 22, 2015

Winchester said:
Just saying. Just saying.....what? I never did understand that phrase. People write a paragraph about something and then they finish by writing "Just saying". What? What are you just saying?? I don't get it. I must be very obtuse because I don't get it.

I've thought of "just saying" as another way of saying "no offense" when you're not sure if the other person is going to be offended by what you've just said. I don't use the phrase because I find it odd but I think that's what it means.

mani · May 22, 2015

Kat0121 said:
Winchester said:

Just saying. Just saying.....what? I never did understand that phrase. People write a paragraph about something and then they finish by writing "Just saying". What? What are you just saying?? I don't get it. I must be very obtuse because I don't get it.

Click to expand...

I've thought of "just saying" as another way of saying "no offense" when you're not sure if the other person is going to be offended by what you've just said. I don't use the phrase because I find it odd but I think that's what it means.

Yes, I've presumed that too. I've never used and and can't think that I ever would, but I don't think it's rude at all.

Kat0121 · May 22, 2015

Mani said:
Yes, I've presumed that too. I've never used and and can't think that I ever would, but I don't think it's rude at all.

I don't think it's rude either but I would expect a strange look if I used it I think

fhicat · May 22, 2015

KittyWhiskers said:
Would this be how you viewed my first post in this thread?

It would be how I view anyone who says that.

You did not use "no offense" "just saying" though. I think you're misunderstanding me. I am referring to those specific phrase used specifically as a way to shield themselves from responsibility. We all offend someone unintentionally one time or another which we truly and honestly don't mean it. Apologizing for that after the fact, like in your first post, it's not saying "no offense"/"just saying". It's being polite.

"No offense"/"just saying", to me, is a pre-emptive way to abdicate responsibility. A passive-aggressive way to say something that is socially unacceptable. It's like when someone says "I don't mean to interrupt you", and then goes ahead and interrupts you. Or "I don't mean to be rude, but you're a *****".

"I've met many <insert ethnic group>, and unfortunately many of them are <insert stereotypical description>." *turns toward the only <ethnic group person> in the group conversation* "No offense."

See how that sounds? Suddenly, it's okay to say something racist because "no offense".

Winchester said:
Just saying. Just saying.....what? I never did understand that phrase. People write a paragraph about something and then they finish by writing "Just saying". What? What are you just saying?? I don't get it. I must be very obtuse because I don't get it.

To me, it's short for "I'm just making these words come out my mouth and do not intend to stand by what I say -- so you cannot blame me for anything that goes wrong." It means absolutely nothing.

Kat0121 said:
I've thought of "just saying" as another way of saying "no offense" when you're not sure if the other person is going to be offended by what you've just said. I don't use the phrase because I find it odd but I think that's what it means.

Thing is, if you *have* to use "no offense", then it's probably offensive. So why use it? Why not find a not-offensive way to say what you wanted to say?

Mani said:
Yes, I've presumed that too. I've never used and and can't think that I ever would, but I don't think it's rude at all.

It's not rude so much as it lacks conviction. It's saying "I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions. I'm merely inviting you to join in on the bandwagon of my own uncertainty." Why not drop that phrase entirely, and speak with conviction? Say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks the determination with which you believe it?

You know, just sayin'.

Kat0121 · May 22, 2015

FhiCat said:
Thing is, if you *have* to use "no offense", then it's probably offensive. So why use it? Why not find a not-offensive way to say what you wanted to say?

Some people are WAY more easily offended than others. Those are the ones that you almost have to say , "no offense" to. My DD is one of them. Some people (me being one of them) are not offended easily at all.

magiksgirl · May 22, 2015

Please allow me to jump in on this "No offense" conversation

I consider it rude when it's used before saying something offensive, you obviously know what you are going to say is offensive so you cover your comment beforehand with a "no offense". They're just plain rude for saying something offensive regardless of if they say "no offense" beforehand or not. You know or should know what you're saying is rude... period.

I work in a field where every word you say is taken literally and based on the context, so I'm always considering the various ways something could be understood. Sometimes we say something we don't mean to be offensive but it's taken that way, so we should just be grow ups and say "sorry if I offended you".

Columbine · May 22, 2015

I must admit, I am guilty of using 'no offence', but in a very specific situation. I have a close friend (we're more like sisters in a lot of ways) who has schizo-affective disorder (bi polar plus schizophrenia). She also has a history of drug abuse (primarily cocaine). She's on new meds now (her psychosis is very drug resistant), and has been clean for 6-7 months now. She also has two young kids.

Here's the thing: she has a tendency to kid herself that no one could tell she was using, so it wasn't that bad. That, combined with the severity of her psychotic episodes has left her with a mental 'get out' clause - meaning that she can't see the danger her kids were in when she was bad. At times, I've had to be blunt with her to burst that bubble. She genuinely doesn't realise how ill she's been. I know her very well, and if she's allowed to keep hold of the fantasy that her illness and addiction didn't endanger her kids then there's a reasonable chance she'll relapse, or screw around with her meds (the side effects are truly awful), or both.

I do say 'no offence' fairly frequently in these conversations - I'm genuinely not trying to hurt her - but she does need to fully understand the impact and implications of her actions.

Hope that makes sense. In general, I absolutely agree that 'no offence' is just a way to insult people (or worse, bully them). Just pointing out that there are sometimes circumstances where it's both valid and necessary.

mingking · May 22, 2015

Columbine said:
Hope that makes sense. In general, I absolutely agree that 'no offence' is just a way to insult people (or worse, bully them). Just pointing out that there are sometimes circumstances where it's both valid and necessary.

I would say the "no offense" phrase has been abused/misused in that it's become what it is today: a way to get away with something offensive. Instead of a genuine comment that you know what you're about to say is offensive, but it needs to be said.

I think I would feel better if "no offence", was followed by a suggestion or a way to help someone. In @Columbine 's situation, I would assume there is follow up and not just a bland statement with no purpose other than to offend.

Norachan · May 22, 2015

There was a lecturer at my university who would regularly start with, "With all due respect...." and then launch into a scathing criticism of you, your work, your point of view or whatever he disagreed with. I soon realised that what he meant is "I have no respect for you or your opinions and I'm going to tell you so." However, he phrased it in such a way that you couldn't really take it as a direct attack.

He wasn't very popular but he did give me a really high mark on the thesis I wrote before I graduated. I guess after three years of walking on eggshells and expecting him to criticise everything I said or wrote I eventually learnt to think things through and express them carefully.

So I'm grateful for that, even though I couldn't stand him.

kittywhiskers · May 23, 2015

FhiCat said:
It would be how I view anyone who says that.

You did not use "no offense" "just saying" though. I think you're misunderstanding me. I am referring to those specific phrase used specifically as a way to shield themselves from responsibility. We all offend someone unintentionally one time or another which we truly and honestly don't mean it. Apologizing for that after the fact, like in your first post, it's not saying "no offense"/"just saying". It's being polite

Thanks for answering my question, and in such detail. I was curious as to what you thought.
Indeed I did misunderstand you and yes it was an apology. I wouldn't of intentionally offended someone and then gone to so much trouble to apologise after, that would make no sense at all.

denice · May 23, 2015

Norachan said:
There was a lecturer at my university who would regularly start with, "With all due respect...." and then launch into a scathing criticism of you, your work, your point of view or whatever he disagreed with. I soon realised that what he meant is "I have no respect for you or your opinions and I'm going to tell you so." However, he phrased it in such a way that you couldn't really take it as a direct attack.

He wasn't very popular but he did give me a really high mark on the thesis I wrote before I graduated. I guess after three years of walking on eggshells and expecting him to criticise everything I said or wrote I eventually learnt to think things through and express them carefully.

So I'm grateful for that, even though I couldn't stand him.

I always really disliked teachers who were like that. When I look back though, they are the ones I learned the most from. I still don't like that teaching style but it does get good results at least from students who care about decent grades and finishing a program.

fhicat · May 23, 2015

mingking said:
Last sentence. "No offense, but it's the truth." These people are not sorry at all. They probably will be though when law enforcement catches up with them.

mingking · May 23, 2015

FhiCat said:
Very much so. Take a look at this, it's in the news currently:

View media item 274684

Last sentence. "No offense, but it's the truth." These people are not sorry at all. They probably will be though when law enforcement catches up with them.

That is disgusting. It's times like these that I hope not only the law but the internet takes them down

Columbine · May 24, 2015

mingking said:
That is disgusting. It's times like these that I hope not only the law but the internet takes them down

x1000 I'll never understand that kind of attitude. I hope the law catches up with them really soon.

catladyvettech · May 24, 2015

Kat0121 said:
I agree you 100%. I am so sick of people labeling themselves as OCD just because they have a quirk about them like if they walk past a piece of whatever on the floor, they have to pick it up. That does not make you OCD. Checking the lock on the front door more than once does not make you OCD. :rolleyes2

I also despise the use of "K" as an answer when texting or emailing someone.

I hate this too. And when people use ADD or ADHD along those same lines. I've been diagnosed with mild forms of both OCD and ADHD so it really bugs me.

It's kinda like when people say "oh that's retarded." Can you please just have some sensitivity and respect for others and use a different term? There's plenty of options for adjectives that won't hot close to home for other people.

fhicat · Jun 23, 2015

I saw this comic today and it reminds me of this thread:
http://geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=3161

Columbine · Jun 23, 2015

I love it

Sad to say, I've known a few too many of the 'no offence' girls in my time. Wish I'd had the guts or presence of mind to have a comeback even half that good.

I'm curious as a cat so....

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