Hand holding needed please!

Hello there, I'm hoping to get some advice/support with my recent feral acquisition! 

A bit of history first, we initially had one male cat when a stray turned up about four years ago.  The stray (Ichabod)  was unclaimed and we adopted him, he is very territorial, but got on okay with our other cat and two dogs and then a pregnant feral young cat turned up.  We ended up keeping the feral and one kitten, at the time Ichabod became very aggressive towards our resident male cat.  We then took in another young female cat that had been dumped, who was dumped with at least one other kitten, about five months old.   A neighbour took in the other kitten, but I now think that there was a third male that we missed, this was about 18 months ago and it was when Ichabod transferred his aggression to this male newcomer that he got on okay with our resident cat again .  

I managed to trap the male, get him neutered and returned him to the outdoors feeding him in our shed, but recently he has been suffering from a repeated abcess on his leg, which made it difficult for him to walk and was looking pretty ropey , so I took the decision to bring him in and try to tame him. 

That was pretty traumatic, as we had to trap him in the shed where he felt safe as he is very trap shy, and then force him into a carrier.   We put him in my sons bedroom, ( he's currently at university), and he has a litter tray, scratching post, bed, food and water.   We left a carrier/crate in there, but he refused to use them.   He is sitting behind the curtain on the windowsill and sleeping under the bed, he does come out to eat when he is alone or when he thinks I am asleep.   We caught him five days ago, but my worry is that he seems to be getting noisy on a night, I don't  think I can sleep in there tonight.   I have a feliway plugged in and some zylkene to try, but I am worried that he may be too old to tame?  He does slow blink at me,but can also do some pretty impressive growls when I get too close!  He shows no interest in toys, but has scratched on the post.   The wowling is only on a night and he tries to get out of the door and windows, but I think I need reassurance that this will die down eventually as my poor son will be home in June and be working long hours!

I know it is very early days, and our other feral took ages to come round, but she was younger and I think having the kittens helped her settle.  I desperately want to look after him, I don't care if he can never be stroked or petted, but I want him to be happy too.  I am also worried about introductions, but will need to cross that bridge when I come to it, but I'm hoping for some help here if we get that far!

Hi there and welcome to tcs!

I honestly don't believe it is ever an age issue that prevents a feral to tame down. No, he will very likely never be a lap cat, but in time, he will be comfortable and feel safe, trust takes a long time when it is so foreign to a feral cat who never had the chance to be loved by a human.

5 days. I relate this with my acclimating a feral cat to a new location. It takes a full four weeks for the mental process, to come to realize this is their new home.

In the first week, it's all about how to get away, get back to what they know of as home. 

The 2nd week is quieter, as cats have endless patience, they are more homesick and holding their breath so to speak, patiently waiting.

By the end of the 2nd week they are beginning to lost hope, maybe I'm stuck here, into the third week they begin to become more aware of their surroundings, the sights, the sounds, it's all so new. From the third week and into the fourth, they are much more aware of these sights and sounds, and their past home is fading. Maybe this really is my home now. Nothing bad has happened to me so far, I might be sorta safe here. This person seems okay, she isn't hurting me or scaring me. She feeds me. Her voice isn't bad to hear. I get treats, and my bed feels soft.

By the end of the 4th week, and on into the fifth, and further, time will allow for some small steps in trusting you, and where he is now, and he is starting to let down his guard, not too fast! Little by little. Baby steps.

This is you, him, and your home. This is nothing to do with other cats, but if all are fixed, and a slow proper introduction is done, it will pay off well.

Remember too, ferals are only ferals to us, a cat is a cat is a cat to cats. 

I love that you are helping them to live better lives!

Last spring I brought a feral into the house who was very territorial and causing problems with my other ferals outside.  I brought him in to his own room.  I made sure to pick the bed up off the floor so that he couldn't get himself under the bed to hide.  I did have some appropriate hiding places for him ( I used a small cat tree with hiding boxes) and blocked off book cases and under dressers.  He had access to looking out a window.  At first, he threw himself repeatedly against the window trying to get out.  He also tried to escape every time I came into the room so we needed lots of baby gates!  I had a feliway plug in, played soft music when he was alone 24/7, provided him with toys, food, water and litter.  I would visit often, but only for short periods of time as to not overwhelm him.  He knew me well from feeding him, but being inside was a different playing field.  I would always sit on the floor so I didn't overwhelm him by looming.  I would offer a special yummy treat.  At first he wouldn't eat it in my presence but he would eat it when I left. He too would cry and cry and howl and howl at night.  I started leaving a white noise sound machine running in his room to drown out the cries.  After a few days, I began giving him Composure calming treats.  He would get 3 before bed and they really helped to settle him down.  I also used Rescue Remedy in his food and water and a few drops on his bedding. 

Just remember to take it slowly.  Ferals move at a crawl.  He is scared and needs time to adjust. 

Thank you so much for rescuing him.  You have done a wonderful thing for him.

I want to add. You helping him now when he is sick, and he knows he needs help, should make the fostering easier and probably quicker too.

If he is blinking slowly it shows you are a good bit on way!

Watch on when he begins to yawn or strech himself when he sees you.  Dont forget to celebrate that day.

Good luck!

Thankyou so much for the replies, I think a lack of sleep and worry knowing that he is pretty miserable at the moment is getting the better of me, but I know that this will be a long slow road to gain his trust.

His leg is looking much better, the abcess has burst and not refilled, he is walking much better on it now, so I'm pretty certain that will be okay, there are two large puncture wounds that look as if he has been fighting with another cat or even a dog has had hold of him poor lad.  We have named him 'Gandalf' as he is grey and white, but he is getting 'Alfie' for short.  He is a huge cat, which I think had intimidated me a bit too!

It is reassuring to hear that age shouldn't be a barrier, I'd read that it was cruel to try to tame them after three, and as I have no idea how old Gandalf is, although I suspect he is the same age as the stray I took in, which would make him two,  I was worrying about that.  I do think that beneath the fear is a lovely cat waiting to show itself, there is just something about him. 

Catwoman 707 - you have made an excellent point about the timescale, I know five days is a ridiculously short time to expect a change, and five weeks sounds far more realistic for him to realise that this is home.   I think he might be getting noisier at night because he is feeling better, which is a good thing.   I laid on the bed in his room today and he got down from the windowsill to go and eat, he does this on a night, but he had never done it during the day, so I'm hoping that this is his first big forwards step.   I just hate seeing him so scared bless him.

I'm feeling more positive today, so I hope he has a better night tonight, otherwise it may well be earplugs all round!   I'm going to try staying out of his room tonight so that he feels more comfortable exploring.  

Thankyou all so much again, your experience is invaluable to novices like myself and I'm sure I'll be back soon with my next wobble! 

You are doing fine

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This is a very good sign that he got down and ate with you in the room, see that?  Positive signs already

Good luck with Gandalf (great name for a wizardly cat!).  And just to echo about the time factor, especially with adult cats.  It has taken our Mama Patience months (since December when she first decided to move in with us and her kittens when the cold weather came) for her to get affectionate and occasionally playful.  It's especially difficult when you have multiple cats to build trust,  and of course when you have a busy schedule and can't spend as much time with a new cat as you would like.  My approach with Patience was very "live and let be" ... I just let her do what she wanted and talked to her and offered pets when she was near me, which she totally ignored to start with, and gradually she got comfortable.  I remember the first big victory was when she slept on the couch instead of in the basement, and then on the bed, and then the first day she let me brush her, and another when she rolled over and showed her belly for a rub.  Those are the things that make it worth the wait, you can't rush it because cats have their own agenda and it often doesn't match ours!

Thankyou everyone, you are all right and patience is the key,  I think I was so worried that I was making him miserable that I was stressing and desperately looking for signs that he'd settle. 

That being said Gandalf has made some huge strides forwards the past couple of days; he took a piece of chicken from my hand and began tentatively playing with a feather wand.     I managed to rub the wand over his head and he loved it and I managed to rub his head and back with my hand, he was so ecstatic at being petted that he completely forgot to be frightened bless him and even began rolling over and quietly purring.   He has been stroked a few times since and this morning he stretched forwards to touch my nose!  I was so happy I could have cried!   I think he must have been socialised as a kitten and dumped at the same time as the stray I took in as it seems very fast progress, eighteen months living wild must have made him so fearful.

He jumped on the bed while I was in it last night, I think he'd forgotten I was there, but he jumped down scared when he felt me breathing.

He is still very timid, but shows no signs of aggression, so I'm hoping that the introductions to the other cats might not be too bad, although one is super territorial, but we have the rest of his life to sort it out, and I am hopeful that it will all be fine now.   I am sure that there will be backward steps along the way, but having seen the positive improvement I am confident that I've done the right thing for Alfie.  Whether the other cats will think that remains to be seen!

Helenwithcats said:

 
Thankyou everyone, you are all right and patience is the key,  I think I was so worried that I was making him miserable that I was stressing and desperately looking for signs that he'd settle. 

That being said Gandalf has made some huge strides forwards the past couple of days; he took a piece of chicken from my hand and began tentatively playing with a feather wand.     I managed to rub the wand over his head and he loved it and I managed to rub his head and back with my hand, he was so ecstatic at being petted that he completely forgot to be frightened bless him and even began rolling over and quietly purring.   He has been stroked a few times since and this morning he stretched forwards to touch my nose!  I was so happy I could have cried!   I think he must have been socialised as a kitten and dumped at the same time as the stray I took in as it seems very fast progress, eighteen months living wild must have made him so fearful.

He jumped on the bed while I was in it last night, I think he'd forgotten I was there, but he jumped down scared when he felt me breathing.

He is still very timid, but shows no signs of aggression, so I'm hoping that the introductions to the other cats might not be too bad, although one is super territorial, but we have the rest of his life to sort it out, and I am hopeful that it will all be fine now.   I am sure that there will be backward steps along the way, but having seen the positive improvement I am confident that I've done the right thing for Alfie.  Whether the other cats will think that remains to be seen!

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You are absolutely correct! He was obviously social at some point as a kitten, and abandoned, which makes the survival mode kick in, and means no more human contact. This is reverting to a feral as we call semi-feral. A true born feral would NEVER do the things he is doing already, especially rolling over, which for a cat is a very trusting, vulnerable position.

You can have very high hopes now as the progress will be smooth sailing. It doesn't take long at all for him to revert back to a friendly, loving kitty. Nice yes?!

Regardless of how social a cat is with people, cats are just cats to cats I don't know who your resident cats are, but hopefully your territorial cat is a female, this is usually the case, as females are dominant between the 2 sexes 95% of the time in homes. This is natural for males and they do easily submit to her. She will continue to boss him around for about a month, until she is sure she has made her position quite clear and feels no threat from him.

Use the proper new cat introductions, but I would allow him more time to be acquainted and trusting of you first. This is good anyway, if you allow them tiny peeks at one another, taking your time will mean peaking their curiosities even more. 

Thankyou Catwoman707,  I was amazed at how he accepted being stroked, it seems to calm him straight away, I expected the opposite to be the case, but he must have some deep ingrained memory of feeling safe when petted,  He still darts to his hiding place and is terrified of men and sudden movements, but it is still early days!  My other ex-feral can only be stroked when she comes and asks for a fuss, and only her face and top of her back can be touched or else I risk a hard slap!  That is after three years!   I'll keep him in his room for a good while yet, until he is more secure and confident.  I feel saddened to think that someone could take a loving kitten and do this to it, the fear and stress he must have experienced being abandoned must have been horrendous, and then having to fight and survive on his own, so sad.

My aggressive cat is a neutered  male, he has already fought with Alfie in the garden before now and chased him off.  He used to sit waiting for him at feed times and we had to lock him in so that poor Alfie could get some food.   The good thing is that Alfie is totally non aggressive and will try to run and hide and only fights when he has no option, so it may be doable if the aggressor realises he is still top cat.  He manages to live with my other cats, so fingers crossed we can slowly integrate Alfie into the home.   I think my aggressive cat (Ichabod) sees Alfie as a real threat as Alfie is so big and was unneutered for a while.  Ichabod has been top cat since we've owned him, but he is getting very old now and perhaps feels more vulnerable. The others were all scared of him and ran away hissing when they saw him outside, apart from my ex-feral who doesn't go outside so hasn't seen him -  I'm off to do more research on cat introductions!

As long as you have seen Alfie NOT stand up to Ichabod, it should eventually smooth out okay, as Alfie IS infact neutered now yes?

This makes a big difference with males.

While we watch as they establish themselves, it's always sad to see the underdog so-to-speak, they get basically told where and when, ruled over eating, sleeping, litterbox, all of it until things settle where they will.

Yes! I so agree, it hurts my heart knowing at some point the cat has gone through being left behind or abandoned, how scary it must be, how sad and lost/displaced they feel, it's a whole new world at that point, of survival, where to go, how to find food, warmth, safety.

I love what you are doing for him and the others! One less lost soul in the world

Yes, we had Alfie neutered about six months ago, we let him go after a few days as he seemed so feral I couldn't get within five feet of him outside, even feeding him every day. Plus my husband was against having another cat, but I think pity for Alfie has won out thank goodness.   I feel really guilty now, knowing that he is such a loving cat who was simply terrified.   I intend to make it up to him though and hearing him purr is wonderful!   Like you say it is good to know that he is safe, warm and fed, and I enjoy going outside now, whereas before I was always wondering if he was scared, hungry and cold and looking for him.  He was always frightened when it was windy, and it's been windy a lot in the UK this year.

What does upset me is the people that ignored him, even those with their own cats.  The last pregnant feral I took in was starving and eating bird seed in desperation, and she was still getting chased off by people god love her. 

I try to do my bit where I can, but I take my hat off to those who do this on a regular basis and care for whole colonies, if everyone could just help one feral cat it would make such a difference.  There seem to be so many in desperate need that it can become soul destroying, and it is what makes me so cross when people are careless and leave their pet cats unneutered and then don't want the kittens that they produce and dump them adding to the misery these little souls have to go through.  

Anyway, I'm looking forwards to getting to know Alfie more, and six cats is a much better number to have than five I think - I always had one of those spot on flea treatments left over from the pack anyway! 

Helenwithcats said:

 
Yes, we had Alfie neutered about six months ago, we let him go after a few days as he seemed so feral I couldn't get within five feet of him outside, even feeding him every day. Plus my husband was against having another cat, but I think pity for Alfie has won out thank goodness.   I feel really guilty now, knowing that he is such a loving cat who was simply terrified.   I intend to make it up to him though and hearing him purr is wonderful!   Like you say it is good to know that he is safe, warm and fed, and I enjoy going outside now, whereas before I was always wondering if he was scared, hungry and cold and looking for him.  He was always frightened when it was windy, and it's been windy a lot in the UK this year.

What does upset me is the people that ignored him, even those with their own cats.  The last pregnant feral I took in was starving and eating bird seed in desperation, and she was still getting chased off by people god love her. 

I try to do my bit where I can, but I take my hat off to those who do this on a regular basis and care for whole colonies, if everyone could just help one feral cat it would make such a difference.  There seem to be so many in desperate need that it can become soul destroying, and it is what makes me so cross when people are careless and leave their pet cats unneutered and then don't want the kittens that they produce and dump them adding to the misery these little souls have to go through.  

Anyway, I'm looking forwards to getting to know Alfie more, and six cats is a much better number to have than five I think - I always had one of those spot on flea treatments left over from the pack anyway! 

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You have a dear, kind and compassionate heart, if only there were more in this world, then innocent animals would not have to suffer as they do.

But as my sig line says, saving one cat won't make a difference in the world, but makes a world of difference to that one cat. How true this is, although I never was good at accepting that "You can't save them all" 

What an excellent way of rationalizing one more cat, why have 1 extra flea med right? I mean okay 2 cats, or 4 cats, or 6, makes much better sense  

Good luck with Alfie!  

Hi Helen with cats

I so agree about people abandoning and not caring for cats, and especially not neutering them, leading to these awful situations of starving cats and also more kittens. It makes me very angry, but I think a lot of it is ignorance in that some people seem to think that a cat can "fend for itself", and while that may generally be the case for true ferals with good survival and hunting skills, it is not so for abandoned house cats.

I love your attitude that "six is a better number than five" but oh that gives me paws as I have five right now - 3 rescued feral born kittens, their mom, and another rescue.  Is another one on the way?!  and yes, flea meds are cheaper in 6 packs, and with five fussy eaters I always have leftover food, which used to go to our latest rescue until I discovered she has food allergies and needs grain free/gluten free, so yes there is  food available for just one more come winter.  I'm guessing it may be  black tuxedo cat who visited our outside shelter a few times over the winter but I just couldn't capture him, but we shall see if six is the loveliest number!  So much for my dreams for a "very very very very nice house, with two cats in the yard" ... and then it was three, and then it was four ... and now five.  But we love them all.

good luck with Alfie, he sounds like he's moving right along.

Hi Helenwithcats, all mine were rescued strays. You are a hero to me and anyone who rescues defenseless creatures are. Thank You Helen. I also am disturbed by those who throw away a supposedly beloved pet. How cruel!!! I wish you well!!

Thankyou for all your lovely comments, although I'm not really a hero or anything, the truth is I get such pleasure from every single cat that I'm probably quite selfish about keeping them too!  It is good to see that there are fellow cat lovers out there, it restores my faith in humanity.  Even a major rescue society over here says to just leave ferals alone and not to feed them, sadly people won't question that and where does that leave the poor starving ferals.

Lol Lrosewiles I think number six is definitely on the way for you!  I've come up with all sorts of good reasoning why more is better where cats are concerned, after all if they're in the house with me they'll need less food in winter as it's warmer and they don't have to work so hard for it, there should be fewer vets bills from injuries and fighting, so really I'm saving money by taking them in - or so I tell my husband!   We also started out with just one cat that was a rescue, then we found Ichabod, then a pregnant feral which we kept and one of the kittens, then another stray and now Alfie!   I'm seriously hoping no more get dumped or turn up now though, I'm not sure my husband would go for another one, but perhaps keeping one temporarily until a good home could be found would work.