Was I responsible for my cats death?

Hi all! I'm new here, but so grateful to find this forum with other cat lovers. 

I have been unemployed for almost a year and have suffered setback after setback and heartbreak after heartbreak this entire year. I have sunk into a serious depression and don't know how to find my way out. My life is in shambles, I have no money, but the one thing that kept me positive were my 2 beloved cats of 11 years. Yesterday my worst nightmare came true, I had to put my sweet cat, Princess, to sleep. She had been to the vet only a month ago and it was commented on how healthy she was for her age--like a kitten. I imagined we had lots and lots of time leftpredictions for contact together on this earth. I wanted to prolong her life as much as possible, so I stocked up on cat supplements (The Missing Link-high in fiber and Cosequin-for joints). She began vomiting after ingesting The Missing Link, but I thought she just had a sensitive stomach and needed time to adjust, so I continued to supplement. Admittedly, I ignored the dosage recommendation on the bag and I now realize I was giving them FAR too much. This is the only change that has been made and I can't help but wonder if my intentions to keep her alive many more years backfired on me. 

Up until Tuesday afternoon, Princess was her happy healthy sweet chatty self, until she started vomiting (not particularly unusual for her). This time was different, however, she meowed loudly as if she were in pain, and became extremely withdrawn and lethargic. The vomiting continued the entire day, and I knew something was wrong when she would not eat her dinner. She clearly was ill and hid under the bed and would cry loudly after vomiting (which was undigested food to start, but later turned into clear fluids/foam). When night rolled around, I phoned an emergency clinic that advised I take her in immediately. Since I don't have an income, nor a car (dependent on my parents for rides, that were very calloused about her illness and didn't want me spending the money on her vet visit), I decided to wait it out until the following morning, hoping her condition would improve on its own. I became concerned that she would get dehydrated, so I wrapped her in a towel and forced water down her throat. She was foaming at the mouth, and I knew she wasn't well. She spent the entire night hunched in a forward leaning position and could barely muster the strength to move or cry. Again, she refused her breakfast and any liquids. I hate myself for not bringing her to the vet until 12 PM the next day. She was held at the vets the entire day, hooked up to an IV. The vet called 5 hours later to tell me her liver enzymes were off the charts (suggesting fatty liver possibly from lack of food), her white blood cells were low, had impacted feces, and other concerning laboratory results. She was not responsive to the IV fluids, and the vet recommended I have her transported for an ultra sound and overnight admittance (he was concerned there was a blockage, tumor, or she had a serious disease). The bill had already risen to $700, and I knew I wouldn't be able to afford the necessary treatments. Her condition was rapidly deteriorating and her body was becoming toxic/her temperature was dropping. I knew she was on her way out, so we quickly returned to her side in order to say our goodbyes. It was agonizing to see her dying, she was so ill and her body so limp and lifeless. I held her face in my hands before she took her last breath. 

It hadn't occurred to me at the time, but I have this overwhelming sense of guilt that I caused the situation by giving her too much of the high fiber supplement, which probably made her constipated (resulting in the vomiting, resulting in the dehydration, resulting in the loss of appetite, resulting in the fatty liver, resulting in the inability to defecate, resulting in the toxic shock). If it was simply an issue of constipation, she could've have been easily saved with an enema and force feeding. Or, possibly the IV would have been sufficient had I brought her in sooner. I know I shouldn't beat myself up, but I can't help but blame myself. I am so sorry to Princess for what she had to go through, especially if it was avoidable and due to my error. I don't want to hear that it was her time and not my fault, I really need to know what was wrong with her in order to move on, even if it was because of my mistake. I need to know what caused this because it doesn't make sense a healthy cat would deteriorate to death in a day in a half. I have another cat that I have been supplementing and I'm horrified I might cause the same situation with him. I also wonder if the vet did everything he could have. Why did it take over 5 hours to call me back about the results? And, when the vet saw she was NOT getting better from the IVs, why didn't he try anything else? He kept saying, I might try this or that (pain medication, antibiotics, force feeding her, etc.), but did NOTHING else. Despite her lying in anguish ALL DAY, he didn't actually give her pain medication until she was about to pass. I am just so upset that I feel like things could have gone differently. Your thoughts please, anyone in a similar situation?

Thank you so much for the support during this terrible time.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you and Princess had to go through this. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. This is just devastating.

It might be that you'll never know why this happened. I'll add my thoughts, although I admit that you should NOT draw the conclusion that this was your fault. I'll just post this as a cautionary tale about Missing Link, but by no means does this mean this caused Princess's death.

Missing Link contains ingredients that can be toxic to kitties, and why it shouldn't be used for kitties:

• Garlic is one such ingredient. Garlic is classified as a species of the Allium family. It causes a condition called hemolytic anemia, which is characterized by the bursting of red blood cells circulating through a kitty's body. Ingestion can also lead to gastroenteritis, also known as an inflammation of the stomach and intestines, causing stomach pain. Please note: this ingredient is lower in the ingredient list, so the amount may be at potentially non-toxic level until it builds up in their system over time. Although, garlic is five times as toxic as onion, so it takes less to be toxic.
• Alfalfa is another. Alfalfa contains canavanine, which can lead to abnormal blood cell counts and spleen enlargement as well as interfere with arginine uptake in the body. Arginine, which is abundant in meat, is critical for kitties, and inadequate amounts of arginine can cause serious problems. Alfalfa contains coumarin derivatives that can inhibit blood clotting. Note: this ingredient is higher up in the ingredient list, so potential for problem is greater.
• Other ingredients that are plant-derived, including the molasses and "lecithin' (most likely from soy), have no business being in a kitty supplement.

It confounds me that manufacturers use ingredients that are known to cause serious health problems for kitties (the garlic and alfalfa especially). I just wanted to post this in case others use ML so they don't buy into the hype. I don't know if it was ML, or an underlying health condition that caused your sweet kitty's death. It could very well be that she had a genetic abnormality that caused her sudden downturn even though she was checked by a vet a month previous. Unless the vet did a complete scan of her body (along with lab tests), listened to her heart and checked for abnormalities there, and scoped her from top to bottom at that appointment, you would never know if there was a problem.

The ER vet was NOT on top of things, IMO. S/he should have given nutrients via IV especially since the liver values were concerning. Calling you five hours later is not acceptable in my book when time was of the essence.

I know you said not to say this, but please, please do not blame yourself. You have no way to know for sure what caused this. The Missing Link is just one component that I am only pointing out so that others don't use this product--it has crappy and potentially harmful ingredients--I'm not sure it contributed anything at all.

My heart breaks for you. You gave her a wonderful life, so hopefully you can take some comfort in that. I wish there was something I could do or say to ease your pain. Sending huge prayers your way.

If you have to know what caused your cats death, a necropsy will have to be done by the vet. Otherwise, you will never know, only guess. There is no way to know for sure without it. I would stop giving this supplement to the other cat until you can find out if it is safe, STOP giving it to another cat. I am truly sorry you lost your sweet princess. When you feel like it why don't you consider posting a tribute in our Crossing the Bridge Forum. When you do that other members can express their sympathy and give you some support in your loss. I am so sorry.

I am so sorry about your loss. What an awful thing to go through!!! I have a similar situation with vomiting cats and not eating after their vaccines. Normal, healthy cats and a few days later we are going to the vet for fluids and antibiotics. Last night the vet suggested an ultrasound if he wasn't getting any better in the next 48 hours. Well he is eating again but after hearing your story--i am going to call that vet to schedule the ultrasound. Your story has convienced me. Live is to short and our cats are a precious gift. You will never really know the reason for Princess' rapid decline in health but what you do know for certain is that you had 11 years of happy memories with Princess. Give your other cat twice as much love - it is what Princess would want.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm crying just reading that. I can't imagine what you must be going through. Thank you for paying this though. It'll help others to be careful. At least princess isn't in pain anymore. Again I'm so sorry for your loss... :'(

Thank you so very much all of you for the replies! It means so much to have the support of others that know exactly how heartbreaking it is to lose a beloved pet. If my story can prevent any future tragedies, then I am happy to share. 

I am INFURIATED to hear that alfalfa and garlic are TOXIC to cats!! I am SOOO UPSET over this (but THANK YOU for warning me so I don't continue to POISON my other cat). I did know garlic was not good for cats, but I called the company to inquire about the ingredient and they assured me it was safe in small amounts. After all, the product had been designed by a vet, so I thought it must be safe. I carefully read reviews about it online and all seemed very promising. I think another reason I was pushing the product on my cats is because I purchased a year's worth of the supplement and thought I was doing something good for them. I looked up some of the symptoms of toxicity from both ingredients, they cause vomiting/lethargy and affect the liver and blood cells, which could explain everything! Princess is a tiny little cat, so it makes sense it would accumulate in her system faster than my larger male cat. Ugh, I am HEARTBROKEN this may have been the cause. I could have been slowly POISONING my poor baby. I'm probably just torturing myself, but if this WAS a result of being poisoned from the supplement, is it something Princess could have recovered from?

Regarding the vet. I called him today to ask about the supplement. I read the list of ingredients to him and he said they are standard ingredients and nothing about it seemed toxic. He said it was OKAY to continue giving it to my other cat (this was before I read your posts). Thankfully I decided on my own not to risk it and have already contacted the company about a return. I asked him if I had brought Princess in sooner (ahem, or he had begun treatments sooner), could this have been avoided. He thought there was something more serious going on with her and she had been hiding it for some time. So, he didn't believe there was anything we could have really done differently. I don't know, maybe she was suffering from a hidden disease, (she did not have blood work done at her exam a month ago), but there were NO outward signs. Yes, cats hide their illness, but I am OBSESSED with my fur babies. Since I'm unemployed, I spend every waking second with them and I did NOT pick up on any minor changes. The only thing different was that she was throwing up since starting the supplements (but was fine afterwards and would still eat/drink) and also was more affectionate/clingy.  Something  just makes me feel like she could have been saved if cared for by someone else. Is it normal for a cat to deteriorate so quickly like this? I agree that the vet was not on top of things. I didn't take her to an ER place, just a normal Banfield clinic (which I REGRET). He seemed very busy with other pets, so I'm not sure if that was the issue or he just didn't think it was that serious. I think this is the most excruciating part about this all, it was so unnecessary. 

I really like the idea of a necropsy. Unfortunately, I assume this would be too expensive and I'm not sure I would trust the vet to give me an honest answer though. I also requested her body be cremated, so I'm not sure if they've already done something with her remains. They told me it would take over a month to get her ashes back, is this normal?

Please take the not eating/vomiting thing SERIOUSLY. It is shocking how fast cats can suffer from fatty liver and become dehydrated. Take this as a cautionary tale, please. I really wish I had taken her in sooner and to an ER doctor.

Thank you ALL for your loving comments and well wishes. Princess's brother is absolutely lost today without her. I was so upset last night, I laid in bed nauseous and trembling/crying, but he crawled up next to me and comforted me with his deep purr all night. He WOULD NOT leave my side. It honestly heals me to hear your kind words. Blessings.

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Princess. And I am terribly sorry that you are suffering so much guilt over it. It's possible that she was harboring some illness, and maybe the excess dosing of the Missing Link product simply brought the symptoms out. (you did say that you were mistakenly giving a larger dose than was recommended?) The bottom line is, you wanted only what was best for your cats. You are human and mistakes happen. IF the ML was the cause. I am not going to say that, because I really don't know.

As for cats hiding illness, no matter how closely you watch them, I can tell you this. Tolly was the dearest thing in my life and I watched every move he made, but one year ago today I lost him to a cancer that he only showed symptoms of 19 days before he died. And Tolly was at the vet every three months for other reasons. No one knew he had a cancer until he suddenly swelled up. Cats ARE the MASTERS of hiding illness, no matter how closely we watch them and care for them, things happen that we just cannot predict.

I hope you can find some peace in your heart. It will take time, you are still in shock. Were your two cats close? Remember that your other cat will be grieving too, so be sure to give him plenty of attention, the two of you must offer comfort to one another.

I'm so sorry.

iLovePrincess said:

Thank you so very much all of you for the replies! It means so much to have the support of others that know exactly how heartbreaking it is to lose a beloved pet. If my story can prevent any future tragedies, then I am happy to share. 

I am INFURIATED to hear that alfalfa and garlic are TOXIC to cats!! I am SOOO UPSET over this (but THANK YOU for warning me so I don't continue to POISON my other cat). I did know garlic was not good for cats, but I called the company to inquire about the ingredient and they assured me it was safe in small amounts. After all, the product had been designed by a vet, so I thought it must be safe.

Thank you ALL for your loving comments and well wishes. Princess's brother is absolutely lost today without her. I was so upset last night, I laid in bed nauseous and trembling/crying, but he crawled up next to me and comforted me with his deep purr all night. He WOULD NOT leave my side. It honestly heals me to hear your kind words. Blessings.

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Aw...Princess's brother will need some extra loving care. It is amazing how loving they can be with us when they've suffered a huge loss too. I went through that with my boy Abby when we lost his brother (litter mate) Tuffy. Took a long time for Abby to be back to his usual ornery "talk to the hand" self.

About the Missing Link, the company is only going to say what they did because it's their product; independent research of garlic and alfalfa gives a different story. It is so beyond annoying how they said it is "safe in small amounts." As if it shouldn't be safe at larger amounts. Sad to say, but a lot of vets are just not versed in feline nutrition--they don't get that unlike dogs, humans, and some other mammals, kitties are strict carnivores. They have no need for plant-based ingredients, can't process them, and are only there because they are cheap. They also skew what is on a cat food label. E.g. protein can be a combination of what little meat there is in a food in conjunction with the protein from veggies, fruits, and other ingredients. When Tuffy became sick with CKD when he was two, I became an avid label reader. I also researched what is appropriate for kitties and what to watch for that is questionable. (I didn't want his kidneys working any harder than they had to.) I had another 5-1/2 years with my sweet boy. I feel I would have had even longer with all that I've learned over the ensuing years.

As far as how long to get remains back, a month isn't out of the question. With Tuffy it was around two weeks, but I live in a very small rural area. I also requested that Tuffy be cremated by himself as opposed to with other kitties, doggies, etc.

Still sending prayers for you and your boy kitty (what's his name?). It'll get better, but you never fill that empty spot in your heart.

You hang in there, sweetie.

Hello everyone! Thanks again for the support and words of wisdom. I'm afraid I am not surrounded by compassionate people that can appreciate the pain of losing a beloved pet. It is wonderful to have found this site and all of you so that I don't have to carry this burden alone! You are all so knowledgable! I am feeling a bit better today, and I know the grief will lessen every day until I can appreciate the wonderful memories and honor her life again. Every time the anguishing guilt creeps up, I remind myself that I DID have the best intentions for my Princess. Thank you so much for saying that as it's an important piece of information to allow me to forgive myself. I hate that often times it is too late by the time the pet starts showing signs of illness. Please hug and cherish EVERY MOMENT with your babies as you never know when it will be their time to depart this earth. 

Princess's brother is Tigger. We were a very close tight-knit little family. We all communicated in our own language and did everything together (Princess LOVED joining me for private moments in the bathroom, lol). We were all joint at the hip and my kitties defy all the stereotypes that cats are aloof, independent, and not affectionate. My cats are pretty much all I have at this point. I was already grieving the loss of a long-term partner that basically disappeared without a reason, so the lack of closure (or understanding what caused the departure) makes the loss of Princess (which was so unexpected and without a known cause) that much more devastating. Tigger seems to be going through the normal stages of grief. I believe he is in the anger stage right now. He was acting up quite a bit last night/this morning. Throwing my purse and other items on the floor and waiting until I sleep to rummage through my stuff (he can open drawers/cupboards/closets). I found him just staring off into space last night. Today he just seems anxious, but a little better. I spoil the heck out of him (he is carried around/cradled like a baby), so he is not short on loving. 

To ease my mind, I called an ER clinic and told them my story. Again, I brought up the supplement and they also said those ingredients were safe in small amounts (I don't understand how they can ignore the evidence that these ingredients can be toxic). She thought it was HIGHLY unlikely the supplement caused Princess's issues. I'm not sure if they are only saying this to make me feel better or what. It does sound like it would be unusual to get fatty liver as quickly as she had without there being any preexisting conditions, so I suppose it WAS most likely that something more serious was going on with her. I am concerned about Tigger though (being on the supplement), do you recommend I get his blood work done?

Thank you again for the support and encouragement, it has been immensely helpful!

Hi guys! Tigger has NOT used the litter box since yesterday (he is eating though), should I be concerned???

I am so sorry to hear about your cat, that is very sad... I don't think anyone can tell you for sure what the cause of illness was, without a necropsy. However just want to mention that a cat not eating is serious and can become an emergency itself, as it can cause hepatic lipidosis... It is also possible your cat could have had an underlying condition that was just not noticeable enough to be picked up at the previous vet visit.

If I were to guess, I'd say that your cat more than likely had some kind of problem that went undetected.  This happens all the time.  A cat can seem fine and then all of a sudden, symptoms arise that surprise us.  The supplement, even in a higher dose than warranted, probably wasn't the reason for your cat's distress.  Sure it may have been a problem to digest, but I doubt it would have caused impacted feces especially since it is high in fibre. This is just my opinion and apparently it isn't that far off what the other vet you talked with said.   It truly sounds like your pal had something going on and simply wasn't showing signs of it.  This doesn't only happen in cats and dogs, it happens in humans too.  You probably will never know for sure, but I highly doubt the supplement was the true problem. It may have disagreed with your cat's system just like many other foods or supplements can, but the true problem, highly unlikely.  Just so you know, I've read testimonials from people, not on the website for this product, but a completely unbiased site, who swear by this stuff.  So, again, I truly don't think this was the reason for your cat's problem.  Unfortunately, things like this can happen quickly.   I'm so very sorry for your loss.