When The Moment Has Passed. Why We Grieve So Intensely.

[John Perram]

Thank you, Gareth. Your post was so true.

 

[gordonsmom]

Thank you Gareth. In 2013, I found your original post which helped me through my grief of losing my 18th month old Gordon. I have said goodbye to 4 other cats since then, but last night was for Brady, my 18 1/2 year old diabetic with IBD. It was a rough weekend starting with Saturday morning finding him in distress, and many $$ later, when last night I knew even before I rushed him back to the hospital that he was in diabetic ketoacidosis, and that with his age and other ailments, the prognosis was poor. Two hours later, I held him and kissed him goodbye. I have no regrets, except that I could not have had him longer, but I had no doubt that I was doing the right thing, at the right time.
Reading this post you wrote makes so much sense, especailly about the emotional investment. I take on the more diffucult cats - older, sicker, and emotionally broken, so none are easy, and I do get very emotionally invested. I have been preparing myself for Brady's passing for a while now, but this does not make it easier. The routines - feeding time and seeing his toes at the edge of the table waiting anxiously for his food, and more recently over the past six months, the every 12 hours of insulin shots and pills - this morning I could not even look at the spot he usually waited for me at. Support network - my husband does not handle things like this well and would not even say goodbye. Not that he does not care - he just cant handle it so doesn't, while I could never forgive myself if I were not the arms holding my babies as they pass.
Its not an easy process, but I would not have given up the opportunity to become his lifeline 9 years ago even knowing the heartache that I would eventully face. It is always good to know that others understand.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Thank you Gareth. In 2013, I found your original post which helped me through my grief of losing my 18th month old Gordon. I have said goodbye to 4 other cats since then, but last night was for Brady, my 18 1/2 year old diabetic with IBD. It was a rough weekend starting with Saturday morning finding him in distress, and many $$ later, when last night I knew even before I rushed him back to the hospital that he was in diabetic ketoacidosis, and that with his age and other ailments, the prognosis was poor. Two hours later, I held him and kissed him goodbye. I have no regrets, except that I could not have had him longer, but I had no doubt that I was doing the right thing, at the right time.
Reading this post you wrote makes so much sense, especailly about the emotional investment. I take on the more diffucult cats - older, sicker, and emotionally broken, so none are easy, and I do get very emotionally invested. I have been preparing myself for Brady's passing for a while now, but this does not make it easier. The routines - feeding time and seeing his toes at the edge of the table waiting anxiously for his food, and more recently over the past six months, the every 12 hours of insulin shots and pills - this morning I could not even look at the spot he usually waited for me at. Support network - my husband does not handle things like this well and would not even say goodbye. Not that he does not care - he just cant handle it so doesn't, while I could never forgive myself if I were not the arms holding my babies as they pass.
Its not an easy process, but I would not have given up the opportunity to become his lifeline 9 years ago even knowing the heartache that I would eventully face. It is always good to know that others understand.

So many of us do, G gordonsmom . We are all in a club no one wants to be a member of. But we wouldn't have it any other way, because the UNCONDITIONAL loyalty and love they give us is worthy of our being there for them all the way along.
My heartfelt condolences for your losses, and most sharply and painfully right now, of your sweet Brady.
I went with my friend/neighbor/now roomie and her sweet boy to their vet on what would be his final journey, and she could not bear it. I was the one with him as he ascended. Because of my beliefs, I know that this life is but a pale shadow of the wonders we will know when we join our beloved ones at the Rainbow Bridge. I hope you know this, too. You will meet again.

The beloved angel of my roomies, Tiger.

 

[Lucy&Petra]

Grief is like a glass of water. (Weird analogy but it worked for me so here goes...)

At the beginning you're holding that glass for a long time, and boy does it get heavy. You don't put it down, you just keep holding it, so it feels unbearably heavy - no matter that actual weight. Then over time, you put the glass down. Sometimes you put it down for a short time, sometimes longer. You feel relief for putting it down, and maybe even guilt. And as more time passes, you're able to put that glass down for longer time. Until eventually you can decide when to pick up that glass (and think about your grief) on your own terms.

And that's the only thing about grief that is the same for us all, it sucks, it can last a long time, and it never goes away, you just learn to live with it.

I do think it's true what they say though, it's better to have love and even feel the pain of loss, then never know what that kind of love feels like.