- Joined
- Jul 30, 2013
- Messages
- 14
- Purraise
- 14
I have not been active on this site in many years. I started posting as a wide-eyed 17 year old with my first kitten, Scout. I posted again a few years later after I rescued my baby girl, Cally from a tree.
Since then, I have moved across the country (again), worked up the ladder in my career, started school to become a vet tech, and met my future husband who loves kitties just as much as I do. Cally and Scout were with me through it all.
In April of 2020, Cally fell ill suddenly. She had an extremely aggressive case of lymphoma that was affecting her liver and quickly spreading. She was put to sleep before we made it to her first chemo appointment; she was deteriorating too quickly. She was only 5 years old. For a week and a half leading her to passing, I spent every waking hour caring for her. Medicating her, feeding her, and wiping her down with a damp rag since she stopped grooming herself.
After her passing, I was rife with grief, regret, and "what if?" in my mind. I lost 15 pounds. This was the first time I had ever had to make the decision to allow a pet to pass on.
In April of 2021, I finally hit the one-year mark of her death. This was a date I had been dreading. I was still not healed from losing my baby. I found myself bawling in the car, praying to a god that I don't believe in, to please tell me that she's okay. I just needed to know she was okay, and that she knew I still love her and miss her dearly.
The next night I vividly dreamed about her. In the dream, she was healthy and happy. I simply pet her. Her brother, Scout, (who is still with us) was there too. That was the whole dream. I simply sat there, petting my two loves. It was so peaceful and it felt so real. I was given another moment with my baby girl. I woke up feeling fully rested. Scout was sleeping next to me, which he never does.
I have cried more tears this past year than most other years. I felt more heartbreak than ever before. That day I woke up, one year later, was the first day that I felt truly at peace about her death.
I still miss her, of course. But I no longer hide her favorite bed from my sight. It is on the bay window, facing outside so she can watch the birds and squirrels. I have since adopted 2 more friends for Scout, who he loves dearly. I truly think that she sent them to me. Especially Maple, the wily, former-feral tortie with a half-orange face that resembles Cally. Maple sleeps with my every night, just like Cally used to. I am so thankful for the memories I have of her. One day I hope I'll see her again.
Since then, I have moved across the country (again), worked up the ladder in my career, started school to become a vet tech, and met my future husband who loves kitties just as much as I do. Cally and Scout were with me through it all.
In April of 2020, Cally fell ill suddenly. She had an extremely aggressive case of lymphoma that was affecting her liver and quickly spreading. She was put to sleep before we made it to her first chemo appointment; she was deteriorating too quickly. She was only 5 years old. For a week and a half leading her to passing, I spent every waking hour caring for her. Medicating her, feeding her, and wiping her down with a damp rag since she stopped grooming herself.
After her passing, I was rife with grief, regret, and "what if?" in my mind. I lost 15 pounds. This was the first time I had ever had to make the decision to allow a pet to pass on.
In April of 2021, I finally hit the one-year mark of her death. This was a date I had been dreading. I was still not healed from losing my baby. I found myself bawling in the car, praying to a god that I don't believe in, to please tell me that she's okay. I just needed to know she was okay, and that she knew I still love her and miss her dearly.
The next night I vividly dreamed about her. In the dream, she was healthy and happy. I simply pet her. Her brother, Scout, (who is still with us) was there too. That was the whole dream. I simply sat there, petting my two loves. It was so peaceful and it felt so real. I was given another moment with my baby girl. I woke up feeling fully rested. Scout was sleeping next to me, which he never does.
I have cried more tears this past year than most other years. I felt more heartbreak than ever before. That day I woke up, one year later, was the first day that I felt truly at peace about her death.
I still miss her, of course. But I no longer hide her favorite bed from my sight. It is on the bay window, facing outside so she can watch the birds and squirrels. I have since adopted 2 more friends for Scout, who he loves dearly. I truly think that she sent them to me. Especially Maple, the wily, former-feral tortie with a half-orange face that resembles Cally. Maple sleeps with my every night, just like Cally used to. I am so thankful for the memories I have of her. One day I hope I'll see her again.