Advice on Cat Introductions - Feeling a Bit Lost

[calicosrspecial]

I've never been happier to be considered vanilla, hahaha! I take that as a positive.

Yep, definitely positive!!!

 

[pearl99]

Yes, some cats do. So that is "normal".

A lot of households have some clean up here and there over the years. Very few multi cat households are perfect. And as the number of cats increases the number of "clean up" moments increases almost exponentially. But there are fundamental basics and as long as those lines are not crossed then it really is just clean up.

One other thing I should ad on 'fast rebound" is also the location. So, say they have a negative encounter in a hallway passing each other. It gets a bit messy and they separate. They go to other areas and "fast rebound" while in that hallway they tend to be a bit more cautious. So is that a fast rebound or not? I would say yes as long as there isn't any real negativity in that hallway again. So the timeframes I mentioned above are really full rebounds where they are fine in the territory or location the negative encounter happened.

And it also depends on the severity of the encounter. So a full blown fight, blood, vet visit etc would have a different timeframe than a hiss and a swat across the face.

It is at least 3 dimensional if not 4 dimensional with a lot of moving parts. BUT when you are in it you can tell. It is kind of like describing love. I mean, a person can say they think of the other person first, do things for them, etc. But describing the feeling is really difficult until you feel it (or see a troubled rebound). :/.

This will all make more sense in time with experience. You will instinctively know.

Thanks for all the clear info! Little cleanup here and there- and I am so happy with how things are turning out.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Thanks for all the clear info! Little cleanup here and there- and I am so happy with how things are turning out.

You are very welcome.

Yes, that is common. So glad it is going well. It can be a challenge but it is definitely worthwhile.

Keep up the great work!!

 

[Furmama22]

Hello Forum folks!

Just wanted to post an update and get your thoughts. We've moved over here into a new phase - one where Florence and Hawthorne can see each other for longer stretches, not just five minute treat times. I've left the door open (pet gates closed) with full visual access for about two hours in the morning, two hours in the afternoon, and two hours in the evening. We've tried that for about three days now. During those times, I might sometimes play with Florence (if she's out), or do clicker training with Hawthorne, or sit and read and just hang out - and they can go see each other at the gate if they want, or not.

So far, most of the time, they choose NOT to meet at the gate. So Hawthorne goes somewhere else to sleep or Florence goes to her cat tree (away from the gate) or they do usual business and kind of ignore each other. The rest of the time, when they ARE both at the gate, she hisses or growls but is easily distracted and has no aggressive body language (except a bit of staring) and he is the usual curious/apprehensive/big pupils and often chooses to go lie somewhere else where he can see her but is a bit out of view - he has a basket nearby he'll lie in so he can watch her, but he usually leaves the gate. Sometimes he'll poke at the pet gate and try to stick a paw through, but that's generally when she isn't there. If she is there, he's a bit less brave. He stares and crouches and then kind of slinks away to another spot.

They're both still eating although I think with the increased visual access there is a bit more stress and so I notice they do eat with a bit most gusto if they aren't in view of each other.

I guess I'm wondering about the next step. Do we keep doing increased visual access for another period of days/weeks, distracting them if they start to both show up at the gate and hiss/growl/stare, and then continue with the "fun" treat times a few times a day? Is this step helping them get used to each other? How will I know when they're ready for a face to face?

Also, pearl99 , just curious what types of "little clean-up" you're still doing after your intros? What is your process for managing that?

 

[Furmama22]

Actually I might also add Florence isn't generally eating with quite as much gusto - she's eating just tiny bits where normally she clears her plate. Not sure if she's feeling more stress. I can't quite tell other than the eating.

 

[pearl99]

Also, pearl99 , just curious what types of "little clean-up" you're still doing after your intros? What is your process for managing that?

It's mainly with interactions that look like may escalate or chasing that's a bit too much. It doesn't happen often. Ziggy is still adjusting some since she never lived with other cats and she's 14 years old. She gets a bit intense with watching, and sometimes wants to chase- but that may be play because she never tries to injure or fight, but it's hard to tell. The others are a little freaked out still with that. She's very easily distracted, and she's a Manx which is a breed that's supposed to love to play (which she does) and enjoy other animals- but that's in general and who knows about individual cats.
I just distract with tossing a toy or I have a crinkle squeaky toy, or call to Ziggy, or stand up and walk over or things like that. They eat meals together and I have treat-fests together. Or if I think the others need a break have Ziggy in her room for a bit. Otherwise they just do their own thing around the house as they want. I decided not to leave them alone yet, but I'm rarely out of the house with Covid!
Waffles helps with things, he will choose to sit about 2-3 feet from Ziggy with his side to her and just look around, sitting there haha. At least I think he's telling her "I'm all good." Or maybe it's just random. .

 

[calicosrspecial]

Hello Forum folks!

Just wanted to post an update and get your thoughts. We've moved over here into a new phase - one where Florence and Hawthorne can see each other for longer stretches, not just five minute treat times. I've left the door open (pet gates closed) with full visual access for about two hours in the morning, two hours in the afternoon, and two hours in the evening. We've tried that for about three days now. During those times, I might sometimes play with Florence (if she's out), or do clicker training with Hawthorne, or sit and read and just hang out - and they can go see each other at the gate if they want, or not.

So far, most of the time, they choose NOT to meet at the gate. So Hawthorne goes somewhere else to sleep or Florence goes to her cat tree (away from the gate) or they do usual business and kind of ignore each other. The rest of the time, when they ARE both at the gate, she hisses or growls but is easily distracted and has no aggressive body language (except a bit of staring) and he is the usual curious/apprehensive/big pupils and often chooses to go lie somewhere else where he can see her but is a bit out of view - he has a basket nearby he'll lie in so he can watch her, but he usually leaves the gate. Sometimes he'll poke at the pet gate and try to stick a paw through, but that's generally when she isn't there. If she is there, he's a bit less brave. He stares and crouches and then kind of slinks away to another spot.

They're both still eating although I think with the increased visual access there is a bit more stress and so I notice they do eat with a bit most gusto if they aren't in view of each other.

I guess I'm wondering about the next step. Do we keep doing increased visual access for another period of days/weeks, distracting them if they start to both show up at the gate and hiss/growl/stare, and then continue with the "fun" treat times a few times a day? Is this step helping them get used to each other? How will I know when they're ready for a face to face?

Also, pearl99 , just curious what types of "little clean-up" you're still doing after your intros? What is your process for managing that?

"Just wanted to post an update and get your thoughts. We've moved over here into a new phase - one where Florence and Hawthorne can see each other for longer stretches, not just five minute treat times." - Great

"I've left the door open (pet gates closed) with full visual access for about two hours in the morning, two hours in the afternoon, and two hours in the evening. We've tried that for about three days now. During those times, I might sometimes play with Florence (if she's out), or do clicker training with Hawthorne, or sit and read and just hang out - and they can go see each other at the gate if they want, or not." - Great.

"So far, most of the time, they choose NOT to meet at the gate." - Ok, that is fine. How is their body language?

" So Hawthorne goes somewhere else to sleep or Florence goes to her cat tree (away from the gate) or they do usual business and kind of ignore each other." - If their body language is good and they act "normal" that is great. We want them to be like "I know that cat, that cat is cool".

"The rest of the time, when they ARE both at the gate, she hisses or growls but is easily distracted and has no aggressive body language (except a bit of staring)" - Ok, that is fine. Hissing is communication and since it is not followed up by anything negative then it is fine.

"and he is the usual curious/apprehensive/big pupils and often chooses to go lie somewhere else where he can see her but is a bit out of view - he has a basket nearby he'll lie in so he can watch her, but he usually leaves the gate." - That is great, he accepts and respects her communication which is exactly what we want.

"Sometimes he'll poke at the pet gate and try to stick a paw through, but that's generally when she isn't there." - More inquisitive? Not aggressively?

" If she is there, he's a bit less brave. He stares and crouches and then kind of slinks away to another spot." - Ok, we would like to reassure him so he isn't slinking (BUT depending on how he is "slinking" it could just be him showing her he means no harm or threat.).

"They're both still eating although I think with the increased visual access there is a bit more stress and so I notice they do eat with a bit most gusto if they aren't in view of each other. " - Ok, that is fine. It is all about learning that the other cat isn't a threat. So every time they are together and nothing bad happens it builds trust. This is absolutely fine and part of the process.

"I guess I'm wondering about the next step." -Ok

"Do we keep doing increased visual access for another period of days/weeks, distracting them if they start to both show up at the gate and hiss/growl/stare, and then continue with the "fun" treat times a few times a day?" - Yes, exactly the right thing to do. And I think soon I would like to remove the 2nd gate as long as they are doing so well.

"Is this step helping them get used to each other?" - Absolutely

"How will I know when they're ready for a face to face?" - When you/we sense they are comfortable with each other. We want to have the best probability that that face to face will go well. So we want to see positive body language when together, we want to see them looking comfortable, looking away from each other without distraction, being like "yeah, I see you but I don't care", confidence in the way they move around (with and without the other cat around). I think it is too soon right now but you are getting close. I am really happy where they are.

"Actually I might also add Florence isn't generally eating with quite as much gusto - she's eating just tiny bits where normally she clears her plate. Not sure if she's feeling more stress. I can't quite tell other than the eating." - We should she improvement in a few days. Now, if other signs do not show issues then it could just be that she doesn't like to eat in front of other cats. But let's see in a few days if it improves. I am not really worried about it given there are not other signs of issues.

 

[calicosrspecial]

It's mainly with interactions that look like may escalate or chasing that's a bit too much. It doesn't happen often. Ziggy is still adjusting some since she never lived with other cats and she's 14 years old. She gets a bit intense with watching, and sometimes wants to chase- but that may be play because she never tries to injure or fight, but it's hard to tell. The others are a little freaked out still with that. She's very easily distracted, and she's a Manx which is a breed that's supposed to love to play (which she does) and enjoy other animals- but that's in general and who knows about individual cats.
I just distract with tossing a toy or I have a crinkle squeaky toy, or call to Ziggy, or stand up and walk over or things like that. They eat meals together and I have treat-fests together. Or if I think the others need a break have Ziggy in her room for a bit. Otherwise they just do their own thing around the house as they want. I decided not to leave them alone yet, but I'm rarely out of the house with Covid!
Waffles helps with things, he will choose to sit about 2-3 feet from Ziggy with his side to her and just look around, sitting there haha. At least I think he's telling her "I'm all good." Or maybe it's just random. .

"It's mainly with interactions that look like may escalate or chasing that's a bit too much. It doesn't happen often." - This is always tricky to interpret. But how they act after is really key. Any cautiousness, avoiding, hiding, not eating, etc. after the chase tells us the severity of it. Even if in the moment that is a hiss, a swat, even a dust-up if they get over it then it is a disagreement rather than something systemic. It takes some interpretation but in time with experience you get to know what it serious and what isn;t. And always look for "redirected aggression" as a cause.

" Ziggy is still adjusting some since she never lived with other cats and she's 14 years old. She gets a bit intense with watching, and sometimes wants to chase- but that may be play because she never tries to injure or fight, but it's hard to tell." - Could be a touch of territorial insecurity as well. Building confidence through Play, Food, Height and Love goes a long way in helping ease that.

"The others are a little freaked out still with that." - Yes, that is normal. But cats tend to be pretty good in understanding and the more confident they are the better they will accept.

" She's very easily distracted" - THAT is VERY positive and tells me it is not that serious. When it is serious it is really hard to distract.

", and she's a Manx which is a breed that's supposed to love to play (which she does) and enjoy other animals" - Play is a big part of building confidence so the fact she play si VERY helpful. Feed a meal or treats after to build her confidence.

"- but that's in general and who knows about individual cats." - Exactly.

"I just distract with tossing a toy or I have a crinkle squeaky toy, or call to Ziggy, or stand up and walk over or things like that." - Perfect. And getting a cat to look away, not pursue builds the other cat's confidence and trust (in time).

"They eat meals together and I have treat-fests together." - If there were real issues that would never happen.

"Or if I think the others need a break have Ziggy in her room for a bit." - Just be careful Ziggy never feels like territory is being "taken away". Make it seem positive.

"Otherwise they just do their own thing around the house as they want. I decided not to leave them alone yet, but I'm rarely out of the house with Covid!" - Exactly sadly. Amazingly, cats tend to do pretty well when the humans are away. They tend to just sleep. But it is best to just stay cautious until everyone has more trust.

"Waffles helps with things, he will choose to sit about 2-3 feet from Ziggy with his side to her and just look around, sitting there haha. " - This is the confidence theory where a confident cat is less likely to attack or be attacked. SO when a cat is confident the other cat is like "Well, ok, everything is fine" rather than a skittish confedince lacking cat that might act like prey and trigger an instinct.

"At least I think he's telling her "I'm all good." Or maybe it's just random." - Nope, it is telling her "all is fine". It is great.

 

[Furmama22]

Hi all!
C calicosrspecial always appreciate your helpful kind feedback!

In terms of meeting at the pet gates, so far body language is....for Florence, her tail is kind of straight back/downward angled and she stares a bit. And the growling. As soon as she's distracted or I call her name or go over, the tail pops right back up again to the happy tail just slightly hooked at the top. His body language is still mostly apprehensive/curious and there is a bit of the 'cautious walking' especially when he's moving away. So far neither of them is friendly, though, hahaha. No friendly tails or rubbing bars when they see each other. So I don't think we're quite at "hey that cat is cool" just yet.

In terms of poking at the pet gate and trying to stick a paw through, I can't tell if it's inquisitive or aggressive. What would I look for to tell the difference? Generally speaking, he seems to be the one to back down when she's there - he moves to a different spot or out of sight range (unless there are treats, in which case both are distracted and body language shifts entirely to be focussed on treats).

I like your description of them being comfortable together - "positive body language when together, looking comfortable, looking away from each other without distraction, being like "yeah, I see you but I don't care", confidence in the way they move around (with and without the other cat around)." I agree that it's too soon right now, although sometimes I think I see a GLIMMER of that, which gives me hope it can continue to grow. The treats help immensely to distract them and make them happier around each other.

I'm continuing with this kind of visual access for at least another week and then we'll see we we are (the stepkids visit again on the weekend, so I'll just hold steady through that time).

They do share litterboxes (not necessarily by choice but if Hawthorne is in her room, he goes in her litterbox) and they actually also share a sleep spot (they both like to sleep in this one spot on the couch when they are alternately out of the room). I've ordered another cat perch too to try to create a few more 'high up' window spots for watching the world outside.

So I guess that's where we are!

Oh, and you'd noted maybe removing the second pet gate! Florence has proven herself to be a little Houdini and has twice managed to squeeze through pet gate #1. So, I've taped cardboard to a bunch of spots to make it so she can't get out but she's increasingly looking like she might want to jump or try something else. So for my own comfort I'm going to keep that second gate there a bit more, haha. She's a little sneakster.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Hi all!
C calicosrspecial always appreciate your helpful kind feedback!

In terms of meeting at the pet gates, so far body language is....for Florence, her tail is kind of straight back/downward angled and she stares a bit. And the growling. As soon as she's distracted or I call her name or go over, the tail pops right back up again to the happy tail just slightly hooked at the top. His body language is still mostly apprehensive/curious and there is a bit of the 'cautious walking' especially when he's moving away. So far neither of them is friendly, though, hahaha. No friendly tails or rubbing bars when they see each other. So I don't think we're quite at "hey that cat is cool" just yet.

In terms of poking at the pet gate and trying to stick a paw through, I can't tell if it's inquisitive or aggressive. What would I look for to tell the difference? Generally speaking, he seems to be the one to back down when she's there - he moves to a different spot or out of sight range (unless there are treats, in which case both are distracted and body language shifts entirely to be focussed on treats).

I like your description of them being comfortable together - "positive body language when together, looking comfortable, looking away from each other without distraction, being like "yeah, I see you but I don't care", confidence in the way they move around (with and without the other cat around)." I agree that it's too soon right now, although sometimes I think I see a GLIMMER of that, which gives me hope it can continue to grow. The treats help immensely to distract them and make them happier around each other.

I'm continuing with this kind of visual access for at least another week and then we'll see we we are (the stepkids visit again on the weekend, so I'll just hold steady through that time).

They do share litterboxes (not necessarily by choice but if Hawthorne is in her room, he goes in her litterbox) and they actually also share a sleep spot (they both like to sleep in this one spot on the couch when they are alternately out of the room). I've ordered another cat perch too to try to create a few more 'high up' window spots for watching the world outside.

So I guess that's where we are!

Oh, and you'd noted maybe removing the second pet gate! Florence has proven herself to be a little Houdini and has twice managed to squeeze through pet gate #1. So, I've taped cardboard to a bunch of spots to make it so she can't get out but she's increasingly looking like she might want to jump or try something else. So for my own comfort I'm going to keep that second gate there a bit more, haha. She's a little sneakster.

"In terms of meeting at the pet gates, so far body language is....for Florence, her tail is kind of straight back/downward angled and she stares a bit." - Ok, that is fine.

"And the growling. As soon as she's distracted or I call her name or go over, the tail pops right back up again to the happy tail just slightly hooked at the top." - Perfect

"His body language is still mostly apprehensive/curious and there is a bit of the 'cautious walking' especially when he's moving away." -Ok, that is fine. Is it real "slow motion"? Or just slower than normal?

"So far neither of them is friendly, though, hahaha. No friendly tails or rubbing bars when they see each other. So I don't think we're quite at "hey that cat is cool" just yet." - Ok, we actually don't need that for acceptance but agree it is nice.

"In terms of poking at the pet gate and trying to stick a paw through, I can't tell if it's inquisitive or aggressive. What would I look for to tell the difference?" - Speed, body language, response from the other cat. It is suject to interpretation so it is tricky unless you know what you are looking for. But I think your instincts are good so just watch and see if what you think.

"Generally speaking, he seems to be the one to back down when she's there - he moves to a different spot or out of sight range " - Ok. That is actually really helpful as long as it isn't too lacking of confidence. Usually you will see the resident keeping the new cat in check.

"(unless there are treats, in which case both are distracted and body language shifts entirely to be focussed on treats)." - This is really good that they can be distracted. Tells me they do accept. That is a good example why I am not worried.

I like your description of them being comfortable together - "positive body language when together, looking comfortable, looking away from each other without distraction, being like "yeah, I see you but I don't care", confidence in the way they move around (with and without the other cat around)."

"I agree that it's too soon right now, although sometimes I think I see a GLIMMER of that, which gives me hope it can continue to grow. " - I LOVE to hear you are seeing a "glimmer"!!! Fantastic.

"The treats help immensely to distract them and make them happier around each other." - Yes, food is the best way to build trust.

"I'm continuing with this kind of visual access for at least another week and then we'll see we we are (the stepkids visit again on the weekend, so I'll just hold steady through that time)." - Ok. Can you do with one gate so they are closer?

"They do share litterboxes (not necessarily by choice but if Hawthorne is in her room, he goes in her litterbox) and they actually also share a sleep spot (they both like to sleep in this one spot on the couch when they are alternately out of the room)." - WOW, GREAT!! Successful site swapping.

"I've ordered another cat perch too to try to create a few more 'high up' window spots for watching the world outside." - Perfect, another thing to "own".

"So I guess that's where we are!" - Sounds great

"Oh, and you'd noted maybe removing the second pet gate! Florence has proven herself to be a little Houdini and has twice managed to squeeze through pet gate #1. So, I've taped cardboard to a bunch of spots to make it so she can't get out but she's increasingly looking like she might want to jump or try something else. So for my own comfort I'm going to keep that second gate there a bit more, haha. She's a little sneakster." - Hahahaha, yes, they can be. I guess she isn't fearing him that much if she wants to be out. Ok, just do what you need to do as I don't want them together yet and we'll figure out how to get them close without her escaping.

Sounds like things are going well.

Hawthorne is not a cuddler, lap cat, correct?

 

[Furmama22]

I'll write more later to your other thoughts but for now, yes, but you are absolutely correct - he is NOT a lap cat, and not a cuddler. He likes a few pets on his head and ears sometimes, when he asks, but usually otherwise is easily annoyed at being pet/rubbed. He's always been anxious and it's hard to build his confidence.

 

[pearl99]

"It's mainly with interactions that look like may escalate or chasing that's a bit too much. It doesn't happen often." - This is always tricky to interpret. But how they act after is really key. Any cautiousness, avoiding, hiding, not eating, etc. after the chase tells us the severity of it. Even if in the moment that is a hiss, a swat, even a dust-up if they get over it then it is a disagreement rather than something systemic. It takes some interpretation but in time with experience you get to know what it serious and what isn;t. And always look for "redirected aggression" as a cause.

" Ziggy is still adjusting some since she never lived with other cats and she's 14 years old. She gets a bit intense with watching, and sometimes wants to chase- but that may be play because she never tries to injure or fight, but it's hard to tell." - Could be a touch of territorial insecurity as well. Building confidence through Play, Food, Height and Love goes a long way in helping ease that.

"The others are a little freaked out still with that." - Yes, that is normal. But cats tend to be pretty good in understanding and the more confident they are the better they will accept.

" She's very easily distracted" - THAT is VERY positive and tells me it is not that serious. When it is serious it is really hard to distract.

", and she's a Manx which is a breed that's supposed to love to play (which she does) and enjoy other animals" - Play is a big part of building confidence so the fact she play si VERY helpful. Feed a meal or treats after to build her confidence.

"- but that's in general and who knows about individual cats." - Exactly.

"I just distract with tossing a toy or I have a crinkle squeaky toy, or call to Ziggy, or stand up and walk over or things like that." - Perfect. And getting a cat to look away, not pursue builds the other cat's confidence and trust (in time).

"They eat meals together and I have treat-fests together." - If there were real issues that would never happen.

"Or if I think the others need a break have Ziggy in her room for a bit." - Just be careful Ziggy never feels like territory is being "taken away". Make it seem positive.

"Otherwise they just do their own thing around the house as they want. I decided not to leave them alone yet, but I'm rarely out of the house with Covid!" - Exactly sadly. Amazingly, cats tend to do pretty well when the humans are away. They tend to just sleep. But it is best to just stay cautious until everyone has more trust.

"Waffles helps with things, he will choose to sit about 2-3 feet from Ziggy with his side to her and just look around, sitting there haha. " - This is the confidence theory where a confident cat is less likely to attack or be attacked. SO when a cat is confident the other cat is like "Well, ok, everything is fine" rather than a skittish confedince lacking cat that might act like prey and trigger an instinct.

"At least I think he's telling her "I'm all good." Or maybe it's just random." - Nope, it is telling her "all is fine". It is great.

Thanks for the info. I think Ziggy enjoys her room- she stays in there when the gate is down about half the time looking out the window and laying in the sun, laying on the bed snoozing, or in the cat tower. Saunters out when she wants.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I'll write more later to your other thoughts but for now, yes, but you are absolutely correct - he is NOT a lap cat, and not a cuddler. He likes a few pets on his head and ears sometimes, when he asks, but usually otherwise is easily annoyed at being pet/rubbed. He's always been anxious and it's hard to build his confidence.

Yes, we will work around that.

Does he like going high (up in the world)?

He is doing very well so far so I am not worried.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Thanks for the info. I think Ziggy enjoys her room- she stays in there when the gate is down about half the time looking out the window and laying in the sun, laying on the bed snoozing, or in the cat tower. Saunters out when she wants.

That is great. Helps a lot in creating positive space and keeping it positive for all.

 

[Furmama22]

Yes, we will work around that.

Does he like going high (up in the world)?

He is doing very well so far so I am not worried.

He is new to cat trees with height. He's never been the one to jump up really high, but he is also hind-leg declawed from an accident in 2014 (he was really scared by something and damaged his back claws on the hardwood floor - it was the worst thing ever) and a bit overweight and so isn't super comfortable jumping up high. He does use the cat tree we have now, but seems to be most comfortable on the highest level when no one is around (like when we go for a walk). He does like a bit of height - he sleeps on the back of the armchair, or, lately on the sofa itself. But he also sleeps on the ground in the living room.

He likes the clicker training most of the time, and he likes a bit of playtime, and he likes to spend time with me nearby, and he's learning to like the cat tree. I think he was blooming a bit after Tennyson passed away but also was a bit bored, so I feel good that we have Florence to help (eventually) with the boredom, but I feel bad that his behaviours are a bit more anxious/scared again.

 

[calicosrspecial]

He is new to cat trees with height. He's never been the one to jump up really high, but he is also hind-leg declawed from an accident in 2014 (he was really scared by something and damaged his back claws on the hardwood floor - it was the worst thing ever) and a bit overweight and so isn't super comfortable jumping up high. He does use the cat tree we have now, but seems to be most comfortable on the highest level when no one is around (like when we go for a walk). He does like a bit of height - he sleeps on the back of the armchair, or, lately on the sofa itself. But he also sleeps on the ground in the living room.

He likes the clicker training most of the time, and he likes a bit of playtime, and he likes to spend time with me nearby, and he's learning to like the cat tree. I think he was blooming a bit after Tennyson passed away but also was a bit bored, so I feel good that we have Florence to help (eventually) with the boredom, but I feel bad that his behaviours are a bit more anxious/scared again.

Ok, I didn't realize he had some claw issues. That can cause some insecurity issues BUT they can be overcome.

Height is not a necessary part of the process so that is fine.

"so I feel good that we have Florence to help (eventually) with the boredom" - - Agreed, she will be positive.

" but I feel bad that his behaviours are a bit more anxious/scared again." - Please don't feel badly. This is just a short term adjustment period and he will get over it and Florence will be a positive. So, I know the feeling as I have been there but hopefully that helps put things in perspective and helps you not feel as badly. He is going to be fine when we are finished. We'll make sure of that.

 

[Furmama22]

Ok, I didn't realize he had some claw issues. That can cause some insecurity issues BUT they can be overcome.

Height is not a necessary part of the process so that is fine.

"so I feel good that we have Florence to help (eventually) with the boredom" - - Agreed, she will be positive.

" but I feel bad that his behaviours are a bit more anxious/scared again." - Please don't feel badly. This is just a short term adjustment period and he will get over it and Florence will be a positive. So, I know the feeling as I have been there but hopefully that helps put things in perspective and helps you not feel as badly. He is going to be fine when we are finished. We'll make sure of that.

Thank you so much for saying so! I was feeling very poorly about Hawthorne's stress. I really appreciate the support.

Nothing really new to report. The cats can still see each other for longer periods of time several times a day. Their various moods really affect their interactions. Sometimes I think: oh, that was reasonably peaceful! And then other times, not so much. It seems to vary through the day. Neither one of them likes to be in the one 'in the room'. They both want to be the outside cat haha.

Anyways, I'll keep it up! Hopefully we'll keep seeing some improvement and comfort with one another.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Thank you so much for saying so! I was feeling very poorly about Hawthorne's stress. I really appreciate the support.

Nothing really new to report. The cats can still see each other for longer periods of time several times a day. Their various moods really affect their interactions. Sometimes I think: oh, that was reasonably peaceful! And then other times, not so much. It seems to vary through the day. Neither one of them likes to be in the one 'in the room'. They both want to be the outside cat haha.

Anyways, I'll keep it up! Hopefully we'll keep seeing some improvement and comfort with one another.

"Thank you so much for saying so! I was feeling very poorly about Hawthorne's stress. I really appreciate the support." - I know it is hard but it is necessary and will be positive for him in the near future. Cats are more resilient than we think and he is going to be fine.

"Nothing really new to report." - No negativity is positive.

" The cats can still see each other for longer periods of time several times a day." - Great, just try to keep them as positive as possible.

"Their various moods really affect their interactions." - Yes, they will.

" Sometimes I think: oh, that was reasonably peaceful!" - Great!! If it happens sometimes it shows us it can happen much more often or even nearly always.

" And then other times, not so much." - Yes, but as long as it is mostly positive it builds trust.

" It seems to vary through the day." - Yes, it would depend on if they are tired, have too much energy, hungry, etc.

" Neither one of them likes to be in the one 'in the room'. They both want to be the outside cat haha. " - That is a good sign as that means they don't really fear the other cat.

"Anyways, I'll keep it up! Hopefully we'll keep seeing some improvement and comfort with one another." - Great. Keep it up. They will improve and be comfortable. I don't read any reason why they will not.

 

[calicosrspecial]

How is everything going?

 

[Furmama22]

Hello C calicosrspecial and all! Thanks so much for checking in! It's been a busy week, but I'm glad you checked in because I had a couple of questions to ask.

Overall, things are going well here. Still some growling/occasional hissing through the pet gates when Florence sees Hawthorne but that's getting less now. Most of the time there seems to be an element of 'not caring,' which I think is what we're aiming for. Sometimes, if Florence is bored and I've stopped entertaining her, she'll go back to the pet gate (if the door is open) and growl at Hawthorne. I think it's a strange kind of entertainment for her. But generally, they're both content to leave each other alone/go for treats/have playtime, whatever. Distraction continues to be very easy and generally they don't seem surprised or fussed to see the other cat through the gate anymore. So I'm happy about that. I had been thinking of potentially trying an in person meeting in a week or so. I had ordered some harnesses/calming vests from Etsy but they haven't arrived yet. Do you have any advice for the first in person meeting?

Also, another question: we just bought a new house and are now in the process of getting this house ready to sell. This all happened last week. If we end up putting this house on the market and doing showings, our realtor has advised moving out for a week. We can go to my mom's and she has a bedroom for each cat, since I imagine they wouldn't be integrated by then. Will it set things back for them to separated for 5 days? Is there a way to minimize the stress of such a change? I wouldn't ordinarily want to do it but I want what is safe for the cats and safe for the people seeing the house (i.e. re: COVID). Any thoughts you have would be appreciated.

Thank you as always!!