Remembering Krista

tarasgirl06

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These things are so personal. Each of us must do what (s)he feels comfortable with. I've thrown out some cat beds that some have used as litterboxes when I just couldn't wash them clean enough. They were nice beds at one time, but enough is enough, and I knew when that was. Ditto, litterboxes that get thrashed. Having had a large cat family for most of my life, boxes do get used and used. When scratching posts and activity centers get thrashed, they go, too. When my ex and I were together, he had all the tools to re-sisal the vertical posts and re-carpet the platforms, but I don't have any of these things, so out they go.
I haven't been a two-cat family since I was living here as an underage kid. It's tough on me.
Meds get saved "just in case" (mine do, too -- I mean, why pay $$$ if you have something that's still good and you might need it?)
Whiskers get saved, too. I've always saved every one I find. They go into one of two plastic sleeves. IDK who leaves which whisker. I just treasure them all.
When the doctor shaved Tar's arm, I retrieved the fur. I have it in a plastic sleeve. I wasn't just going to leave it there.
Thanks for sharing the beautiful video of your bright-eyed beauty with us! She seemed to like travelling.
 

Antonio65

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And although I have some happy memories about our pred routine, it was both this routine, and the pred itself that ultimately weakened her too much. So I’m not hanging on to her meds. They don’t hold enough good memories to outweigh the bad.
No med in the world can hold good memories, of course.
I just stored them because they were part of my cats' path of life, some of them made them more than good and saved their lives, other didn't, but of all of them I'm proud because I tried.

I have gave some meds out to someone who might have needed them, but they were very few.
I wasn't trying to tell you what you have to do, just wanted to tell you all what I did, and why ;)
 
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daftcat75

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These things are so personal. Each of us must do what (s)he feels comfortable with. I've thrown out some cat beds that some have used as litterboxes when I just couldn't wash them clean enough. They were nice beds at one time, but enough is enough, and I knew when that was. Ditto, litterboxes that get thrashed. Having had a large cat family for most of my life, boxes do get used and used. When scratching posts and activity centers get thrashed, they go, too. When my ex and I were together, he had all the tools to re-sisal the vertical posts and re-carpet the platforms, but I don't have any of these things, so out they go.
I haven't been a two-cat family since I was living here as an underage kid. It's tough on me.
Meds get saved "just in case" (mine do, too -- I mean, why pay $$$ if you have something that's still good and you might need it?)
Whiskers get saved, too. I've always saved every one I find. They go into one of two plastic sleeves. IDK who leaves which whisker. I just treasure them all.
When the doctor shaved Tar's arm, I retrieved the fur. I have it in a plastic sleeve. I wasn't just going to leave it there.
Thanks for sharing the beautiful video of your bright-eyed beauty with us! She seemed to like travelling.
I'll look at her meds and save whatever makes sense for re-use like mirtazapine and cerenia. Though I sincerely hope these expire before I ever need to use them again. But I'm not packing away her meds and keeping them like keepsakes. I don't want memories of what ailed her.

I am forever grateful that she was a good traveler. That dentist trip would have been a lot harder if she was meowing her displeasure the entire drive. She loved hotel rooms. There wasn't a hotel fridge she didn't end up on top of within hours of arriving.
 

tarasgirl06

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I'll look at her meds and save whatever makes sense for re-use like mirtazapine and cerenia. Though I sincerely hope these expire before I ever need to use them again. But I'm not packing away her meds and keeping them like keepsakes. I don't want memories of what ailed her.

I am forever grateful that she was a good traveler. That dentist trip would have been a lot harder if she was meowing her displeasure the entire drive. She loved hotel rooms. There wasn't a hotel fridge she didn't end up on top of within hours of arriving.
Even though I think federal law prohibits sharing Rx between humans, people do, all the time, and in terms of veterinary meds, I always think someone may be in need of them and not able to afford them; and if I can get them to those in need, it might save precious lives. It hasn't happened yet, but that doesn't mean it couldn't.
 
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daftcat75

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Even though I think federal law prohibits sharing Rx between humans, people do, all the time, and in terms of veterinary meds, I always think someone may be in need of them and not able to afford them; and if I can get them to those in need, it might save precious lives. It hasn't happened yet, but that doesn't mean it couldn't.
When I was putting together food and loose catnip to donate to my beertender friend, I gave him the Spark supplement because it's a general booster supplement. I thought about all the Vitality Science supplements too. But I don't want him giving his cat supplements she doesn't need just because I gave them to him. Same with meds.
 
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tarasgirl06

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When I was putting together food and loose catnip to donate to my beertender friend, I gave him the Spark supplement because it's a general booster supplement. I thought about all the Vitality Science supplements too. But I don't want him giving his cat supplements she doesn't need just because I gave them to him. Same with meds.
Agree 100%. But in case you happen to meet someone whose cat needs something specific that you have that's still fresh...if it doesn't take up too much room.
How are you doing?
 

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When I lost both my girls, I took their leftover meds back to my vet. They sometimes pass them on to clients who can't afford them, or may just need a couple of pills for nausea or appetite stimulation.
 

tarasgirl06

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When I lost both my girls, I took their leftover meds back to my vet. They sometimes pass them on to clients who can't afford them, or may just need a couple of pills for nausea or appetite stimulation.
Excellent idea, Twylasmom Twylasmom and thank you. Our vet in the Mojave would certainly have done this, I think. Not sure about any around here, though. Worth a try, wherever one lives, though.
 
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daftcat75

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How are you doing?
Thank you for asking.

Some moments I'm able to string two or three thoughts together before they come back to Krista.

I still see her in my sleep (usually right before I wake up.) Sometimes I see a shadow. Or I'll look in a place I expect to see her like her tree or the area just "off camera". She had a knack for guarding my entrances while remaining unseen. She saw to it that no one or animal would sneak up on me. But she kept hidden just around the corner. Like my own Secret Service. She kept me safe while remaining in the background.

And I hear phantom cat noises. Like the thump of her jumping onto the bed or a scratch or two in a litter box that isn't there anymore. I'm somehow more comforted by these random noises than freaked out. I don't give afterlife much thought so I don't think of this as haunting or somehow stuck. It's more like phantom limbs. The senses get used to certain input and produce the perceptions without the actual sensations. My brain is used to hearing cat noises. So it's creating them to make up for the loss.

I started meditating with the Calm app again. "It's a practice, not a perfect", I have to keep reminding myself. I miss my meditation partner. She certainly made it more challenging. But I always found it amusing when she'd lick my fingers. Or endearing when she'd rub into my outstretched hands. (I meditate lying down rather than sitting up.) Or hilarious when she would take advantage of me like that and climb onboard for a belly ride.

I almost visualized another cat in my home. But then thoughts of Krista came flooding back. I absolutely adore this munchkin cat on Instagram named Manchester (@cat_manchester). If you read about a cat-napping, it wasn't me. Probably. I wouldn't feel like I'm cheating on Krista. I am not ready yet though.

I still need to define what life without a cat looks like first. I don't intend to jump right back into full-time caregiver mode with a presumably healthy cat. I want to redefine what healthy sleep looks like once more. Same with exercise, house cleaning, and other general maintenance and upkeep. Whatever fell by the wayside while taking care of Krista these past two years needs to be re-addressed once more. Before the next furball starts making demands, I need to be negotiating from a place of strength again.

How are you doing?
 
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tarasgirl06

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Thank you for asking.

Some moments I'm able to string two or three thoughts together before they come back to Krista.

I still see her in my sleep (usually right before I wake up.) Sometimes I see a shadow. Or I'll look in a place I expect to see her like her tree or the area just "off camera". She had a knack for guarding my entrances while remaining unseen. She saw to it that no one or animal would sneak up on me. But she kept hidden just around the corner. Like my own Secret Service. She kept me safe while remaining in the background.

And I hear phantom cat noises. Like the thump of her jumping onto the bed or a scratch or two in a litter box that isn't there anymore. I'm somehow more comforted by these random noises than freaked out. I don't give afterlife much thought so I don't think of this as haunting or somehow stuck. It's more like phantom limbs. The senses get used to certain input and produce the perceptions without the actual sensations. My brain is used to hearing cat noises. So it's creating them to make up for the loss.

I started meditating with the Calm app again. "It's a practice, not a perfect", I have to keep reminding myself. I miss my meditation partner. She certainly made it more challenging. But I always found it amusing when she'd lick my fingers. Or endearing when she'd rub into my outstretched hands. (I meditate lying down rather than sitting up.) Or hilarious when she would take advantage of me like that and climb onboard for a belly ride.

I almost visualized another cat in my home. But then thoughts of Krista came flooding back. I absolutely adore this munchkin cat on Instagram named Manchester (@cat_manchester). If you read about a cat-napping, it wasn't me. Probably. I wouldn't feel like I'm cheating on Krista. I am not ready yet though.

I still need to define what life without a cat looks like first. I don't intend to jump right back into full-time caregiver mode with a presumably healthy cat. I want to redefine what healthy sleep looks like once more. Same with exercise, house cleaning, and other general maintenance and upkeep. Whatever fell by the wayside while taking care of Krista these past two years needs to be re-addressed once more. Before the next furball starts making demands, I need to be negotiating from a place of strength again.

How are you doing?
Thank you for asking. Not coincidentally, I have almost all of the same sensations, and your observation is interesting (and logical). I feel the same way about them, too. They are needed, or they wouldn't be occurring.
Life without a cat? IDK, but I know I couldn't handle it. Having been born "with cat" and living almost every day of my life "with cat" it is my normal and my necessary. The times I have spent "without cat" have been miserable, one way and another, whether I was enjoying other things or not, because there was a void that, whether or not I was aware of it at any given moment, was serious. I see those as the darkest moments in my life. They were the times I got into the worst (self-caused) trouble, too. Having cat(s) in my life not only makes me happier, it centers me and makes me always aware of the need to do my best in all things, especially as regards maintaining my own health and sanity so that I can maintain their best care.

So I do all of those things you list as a matter of course, except the sleep thing, because insomnia. The brain never shuts down. It's awful. But it's my normal. A friend said I must be okay because I'm performing all the necessary activities. I guess. Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep sounds wonderful. But it ain't me.

I meditate during my Prayers, in whatever posture I'm in at the time. A cat or two might come and investigate briefly, but that's about all.

Yeah, you'll know when it's right. For me, in almost all cases, a cat will appear when it's right. Baby Su did that. Sometimes I've sought out a cat, as with Tar and Elvis. I wish I could adopt now! But with Su being feral and Elvis being territorial, and us not having the spare room any more, it'd be really hard. Now if there was another cat with Tar's uber-social personality, it wouldn't be tough at all.

I'm not on Instagram, and don't know Manchester.
 
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daftcat75

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Thank you for asking. Not coincidentally, I have almost all of the same sensations, and your observation is interesting (and logical). I feel the same way about them, too. They are needed, or they wouldn't be occurring.
Life without a cat? IDK, but I know I couldn't handle it. Having been born "with cat" and living almost every day of my life "with cat" it is my normal and my necessary. The times I have spent "without cat" have been miserable, one way and another, whether I was enjoying other things or not, because there was a void that, whether or not I was aware of it at any given moment, was serious. I see those as the darkest moments in my life. They were the times I got into the worst (self-caused) trouble, too. Having cat(s) in my life not only makes me happier, it centers me and makes me always aware of the need to do my best in all things, especially as regards maintaining my own health and sanity so that I can maintain their best care.

So I do all of those things you list as a matter of course, except the sleep thing, because insomnia. The brain never shuts down. It's awful. But it's my normal. A friend said I must be okay because I'm performing all the necessary activities. I guess. Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep sounds wonderful. But it ain't me.

I meditate during my Prayers, in whatever posture I'm in at the time. A cat or two might come and investigate briefly, but that's about all.

Yeah, you'll know when it's right. For me, in almost all cases, a cat will appear when it's right. Baby Su did that. Sometimes I've sought out a cat, as with Tar and Elvis. I wish I could adopt now! But with Su being feral and Elvis being territorial, and us not having the spare room any more, it'd be really hard. Now if there was another cat with Tar's uber-social personality, it wouldn't be tough at all.

I'm not on Instagram, and don't know Manchester.
Life without a cat is not permanent. I made a lot of sacrifices the last couple of years. I need some get back on my feet time. This may last a few weeks or a few months. I don’t expect to last the remainder of the year before I yearn for my next companion. But I want to try to get my house metaphorically and literally in order before then.

This Manchester. He’s small. I want two.
6F1C4C77-AF56-4EB7-86B3-298723DB63C2.jpeg

And this. This was a white cat with a fungus infection. Its guardian treated the infection with turmeric. She reports that the color hasn’t faded yet but the infection is clearing up. 🤦🏼‍♂️😹
8A28EF93-CC47-4D9F-9F81-392DE4E4E9E4.png
 

tarasgirl06

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Life without a cat is not permanent. I made a lot of sacrifices the last couple of years. I need some get back on my feet time. This may last a few weeks or a few months. I don’t expect to last the remainder of the year before I yearn for my next companion. But I want to try to get my house metaphorically and literally in order before then.

This Manchester. He’s small. I want two.
View attachment 348934

And this. This was a white cat with a fungus infection. Its guardian treated the infection with turmeric. She reports that the color hasn’t faded yet but the infection is clearing up. 🤦🏼‍♂️😹
View attachment 348933
Yes. I've seen the white/yellow cat. Turmeric is a wonderful herb.
Manchester is cute as well. Two is a good number of cats. Not quite as wonderful as three, though :bawling:
 
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daftcat75

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From the last Sunday I spent with her three weeks ago. 😻
She always loved sleeping up against me.
82088A74-E23B-46A5-9ABE-FA1AD05FAB31.jpeg
31BD2574-2309-411C-9256-43F1AEE38E90.jpeg
This is bittersweet. This is a behavior that had disappeared for a few weeks after her ear surgery that had just returned this week. I had hopes that a fatter Krista would be on top of a hotel fridge on Christmas Eve. 😔😿😭
 

tarasgirl06

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From the last Sunday I spent with her three weeks ago. 😻
She always loved sleeping up against me.
View attachment 349143
View attachment 349144
This is bittersweet. This is a behavior that had disappeared for a few weeks after her ear surgery that had just returned this week. I had hopes that a fatter Krista would be on top of a hotel fridge on Christmas Eve. 😔😿😭
The Business CATual Krista, ready to assist.
And yes, those relaxing/sleeping moments are the BEST. Tarifa had her two favorite places: first, up by my head where she could chew on my hair, and then down by my feet.
 
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daftcat75

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I loved my sleeping Krista so much! I keep looking to her tree hoping to see her there one more time.

One of the saddest side effects of her steroids was how her sleeping dropped off. It seemed her appetite wouldn’t let her get more than a couple of hours of sleep at a time. I wanted her off daily steroids and sleeping again so badly, that I may have made a fatal mistake with changing her pred dose. Instead of giving her a skip day before increasing her dose (doubling her dose), I greedily wanted to boost her appetite that was already waning at this point because of the infection. I doubled first then skipped a day.

Both of Krista’s vets tell me that they don’t believe changing her dose had anything to do with it. Why would they? What good would that do now?

But I think it worked her weakened and dehydrated body that much harder. It didn’t help.

I didn’t give her the infection. And it wasn’t me who delayed the follow up call until there was nothing to be done for two more days when a morning call back could have sent me home with needed medicine that much sooner. 😡

She might have passed anyway no matter how we had her pred by that point. She was already too small and too weak. Her appetite was waning. She was losing fluids to her infection (peeing more and more frequently.) She was going to be dehydrated regardless of her steroids. But they certainly didn’t help.

She ran out of lives. If ever there was a cat who had nine of them, Krista made at least that many comebacks over the last couple of years.

Anyway. I digress. I was going to introduce a new slideshow video I made. But it turns out I had some grief work to do. (Anger. And Bargaining.) The worst thing about this grief process: even when I make it to acceptance, she’s still gone. But just as I allowed her life to transform mine and thank her for that privilege, I would think it a great dishonor to her to not allow her death to touch me fully, transform me, and deliver me through to the next level. As painful as it is today, and tomorrow, it would be bad form to reject this gift. As all the birthday, Father’s Day, and Christmas gifts of hairballs, vomit, and carpet bombs told me, she wasn’t the best gift-giver. 🤦🏼‍♂️ But I always loved her for them anyway.😻😭
 

tarasgirl06

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I'm going through those emotions right now, too, and also the same reality, which is SO harsh. But it's ultimately harsh on us, not on Krista and Tarifa, who, for all we know, may be up there playing together and looking down on us, thinking, "Why are those we love so angry/sad? WE'RE NOT! And we love them!"
What a beautiful sleepy, drowsy, colorful girl. Another wonderful video.
We want them back with us. We NEED them back with us.
Someday, they WILL be back with us. We see them around corners, in the half-light. We hear them, don't we?
It is no time at all for them, I believe.
It is eternity for us.
And we must go through this pain, because it's what we're hard-wired to do as mammals. It doesn't make it any easier knowing the facts and knowing that what the experts have observed and written about grief is happening to us, too. It just IS.
We are each of us so fortunate to have been the ones to have had their presence in our lives!
 
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