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I’m having a hard time processing her final days and the guilt and fear that I may have brought on her final descent.
I recognize that she was in decline for some time. I also realize that with her weight, another infection, the antibiotics, and the weight loss that came with soup poops and slow eating associated with infection and antibiotic use were going to be a big challenge for her this time.
But I can’t help feeling that making the unilateral (and misguided) decision to bump her steroids without taking an off day just drove her weakened body too hard. I was greedily (and again misguidedly) hoping that the bump in steroids would bump her appetite too. Instead, I believe it hastened her dehydration. I believe dehydration is what ultimately took her. Maybe if I we got her on IV fluids on Monday instead of subQ on Tuesday, she might have had a chance. But I think by Wednesday morning, she was too weak.
The speed of her descent on Tuesday night was just too shocking for me to acknowledge or believe. If I knew that was going to be the last night I’d spend with her, I would have lifted her into bed with me. Or I would have grabbed the sleeping bag and spent it down on the floor with her. She should not have had to spend her last night sleeping in her litterbox.
Even our very last moments together, I feel like I rushed them. I put her back in the carrier too quickly because I couldn’t take it. Maybe if I let her spend more time on my chest in the car, she could have released and passed with me instead of alone in a cage. But I do take solace in that she’s always been a fighter and she went out fighting. As I said earlier, I can accept that she went out fighting because she knew I wouldn’t let go any other way.
She was struggling with her steroids for a long time. That’s why I wanted to make a change. I don’t know that she would have had much longer than she did. I just feel like I zagged when I should have zigged and I’ll never know the difference it would have made.
So if there’s lessons to be learned from this that I can try to pass on:
1. If your cat’s on steroids, work with your vet or a specialist to use steroids only at the dose needed to achieve remission from symptoms and then work on tapering the dose to the minimum needed to remain in remission. Preferably not a daily dose.
2. Don’t use steroids to fatten up your cat. They increased her appetite, but also her peeing and drinking. Steroids never put weight on Krista. They only made her weak over time.
3. Don‘t ever change your cat’s steroids dose without your vet’s guidance and consent.
4. Hyperadrenocorticism looks like diabetes. When your cat’s blood and urine glucose are good but she‘s still presenting diabetes-like symptoms and not gaining weight, ask your vet or a specialist about it. That’s what I think was making Krista weak from long-term daily steroid use. Don’t accept those symptoms as that’s just the way steroids are. See #1 and #2 and work towards the minimum effective (preferably not everyday) dose.
I am so very grateful for the extra time that steroids provided Krista. And that she eventually did enjoy a remission, as short as it was. I am so happy that her last poops on this Earth were perfect and that she did not go out with soup poops. I just wish we had figured out her remission sooner and I had better guidance on the potential harms of daily steroids.
I recognize that she was in decline for some time. I also realize that with her weight, another infection, the antibiotics, and the weight loss that came with soup poops and slow eating associated with infection and antibiotic use were going to be a big challenge for her this time.
But I can’t help feeling that making the unilateral (and misguided) decision to bump her steroids without taking an off day just drove her weakened body too hard. I was greedily (and again misguidedly) hoping that the bump in steroids would bump her appetite too. Instead, I believe it hastened her dehydration. I believe dehydration is what ultimately took her. Maybe if I we got her on IV fluids on Monday instead of subQ on Tuesday, she might have had a chance. But I think by Wednesday morning, she was too weak.
The speed of her descent on Tuesday night was just too shocking for me to acknowledge or believe. If I knew that was going to be the last night I’d spend with her, I would have lifted her into bed with me. Or I would have grabbed the sleeping bag and spent it down on the floor with her. She should not have had to spend her last night sleeping in her litterbox.
Even our very last moments together, I feel like I rushed them. I put her back in the carrier too quickly because I couldn’t take it. Maybe if I let her spend more time on my chest in the car, she could have released and passed with me instead of alone in a cage. But I do take solace in that she’s always been a fighter and she went out fighting. As I said earlier, I can accept that she went out fighting because she knew I wouldn’t let go any other way.
She was struggling with her steroids for a long time. That’s why I wanted to make a change. I don’t know that she would have had much longer than she did. I just feel like I zagged when I should have zigged and I’ll never know the difference it would have made.
So if there’s lessons to be learned from this that I can try to pass on:
1. If your cat’s on steroids, work with your vet or a specialist to use steroids only at the dose needed to achieve remission from symptoms and then work on tapering the dose to the minimum needed to remain in remission. Preferably not a daily dose.
2. Don’t use steroids to fatten up your cat. They increased her appetite, but also her peeing and drinking. Steroids never put weight on Krista. They only made her weak over time.
3. Don‘t ever change your cat’s steroids dose without your vet’s guidance and consent.
4. Hyperadrenocorticism looks like diabetes. When your cat’s blood and urine glucose are good but she‘s still presenting diabetes-like symptoms and not gaining weight, ask your vet or a specialist about it. That’s what I think was making Krista weak from long-term daily steroid use. Don’t accept those symptoms as that’s just the way steroids are. See #1 and #2 and work towards the minimum effective (preferably not everyday) dose.
I am so very grateful for the extra time that steroids provided Krista. And that she eventually did enjoy a remission, as short as it was. I am so happy that her last poops on this Earth were perfect and that she did not go out with soup poops. I just wish we had figured out her remission sooner and I had better guidance on the potential harms of daily steroids.
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