The "what's On Your Mind?" Thread -2020

[maggiedemi]

My mom told me she wanted to buy me some clothes. She asked me what colors I like-- I said dark colors like brown, gray, black, navy blue. Please no bright colors. So what does she buy me--- bright pastel colors that you can see from miles away! She said "You need to start dressing like a girl. Girls wear those colors." What the heck!

What would you do, just wear them around the house or insist on sending them back? It started out as a nice gesture, but dang! I don't want to wear those colors.

 

[WillowMarie]

What is on my mind is the city near me is trying to open anger management businesses and I think it is a great idea. One of the places is an ax throwing place that has fixed physical distancing. The other is a rage room that also has physical distancing in place and I hope both of those facilities get the go ahead from neighboring city. They also have sanitizers on hand and are requiring masks. It is a healthy way to get rid of . Psychologically unhealthy to get rid of it on someone else, and poor person who must endure anger issues.

What a unique idea. Haven't heard of this before. The rage room sounds useful if it's a room you can go into and start screaming. Have you been to a place like this before? What sounds the most interesting to you?

My mom told me she wanted to buy me some clothes. She asked me what colors I like-- I said dark colors like brown, gray, black, navy blue. Please no bright colors. So what does she buy me--- bright pastel colors that you can see from miles away! She said "You need to start dressing like a girl. Girls wear those colors." What the heck!

What would you do, just wear them around the house or insist on sending them back? It started out as a nice gesture, but dang! I don't want to wear those colors.

I'm about people embracing themselves for who they are, so if you don't like them, don't feel pressured to wear them. You do not need to wear them just to make her "happy." You were very specific and honest when she asked what colors you like, but she disregarded them and did what she wanted to do. And the fact that she had that comment along with the clothes trying to justify her purchase... it is more about her and what she wants and having things her way.

I believe you have mentioned her making comments that aren't helpful and degrading before. Have you ever read up on narcissists and such? It may make you feel more sane, whether she is one or just has traits. Just having traits doesn't mean you are one, as many people pick up "fleas," or traits, when in relationships with unhealthy people. People with that personality type or traits can make it look like they are doing something nice, but in reality they turn it into something different and putting you down in the end, like your mom did. Also, having toxic people around often makes people question your judgement, decisions, and reality. I get it, it happens to me, too. You are questioning if you should feel upset about this or if you are over reacting. Many toxic people gaslight others, which means manipulating others by telling them their reality is wrong, and results in you questioning your reality and if something maybe isn't a big deal. You are wonderful just the way you are. Trust your gut on this. You don't want to wear those colors, so dont. <3 I hope you are able to distance from your mom some day.

 

[WillowMarie]

Welp, Katrina and Persia haven't cuddled yet since Persia has come home... I hope I didn't break their bond. Katrina has atleast stopped hissing at Persia, and Persia just went right in her face and sniffed her just as I am writing this and let her. I would just feel so bad if they aren't super close anymore because of my freak out taking Persia in. They were so bonded.


Video chatted with my family, including my other two brothers and their wife/girlfriend, yesterday. Everyone was asking about my summer job and telling me I should do it. Easy for them to say because they are all working safely from home, and I would be in vehicles with other people driving to and from the work site daily. On the plus side, played the video for them for the wildlife biology award awarded to me from my school, yeaaa!

 

[sweet jane flash]

What a unique idea. Haven't heard of this before. The rage room sounds useful if it's a room you can go into and start screaming. Have you been to a place like this before? What sounds the most interesting to you?



I'm about people embracing themselves for who they are, so if you don't like them, don't feel pressured to wear them. You do not need to wear them just to make her "happy." You were very specific and honest when she asked what colors you like, but she disregarded them and did what she wanted to do. And the fact that she had that comment along with the clothes trying to justify her purchase... it is more about her and what she wants and having things her way.

I believe you have mentioned her making comments that aren't helpful and degrading before. Have you ever read up on narcissists and such? It may make you feel more sane, whether she is one or just has traits. Just having traits doesn't mean you are one, as many people pick up "fleas," or traits, when in relationships with unhealthy people. People with that personality type or traits can make it look like they are doing something nice, but in reality they turn it into something different and putting you down in the end, like your mom did. Also, having toxic people around often makes people question your judgement, decisions, and reality. I get it, it happens to me, too. You are questioning if you should feel upset about this or if you are over reacting. Many toxic people gaslight others, which means manipulating others by telling them their reality is wrong, and results in you questioning your reality and if something maybe isn't a big deal. You are wonderful just the way you are. Trust your gut on this. You don't want to wear those colors, so dont. <3 I hope you are able to distance from your mom some day.

W WillowMarie no I have not ever been to these facilities. I just think it is a tremendous addition to mental health wellness. I heard about it from someone else, who shoots arrows to use anger to best ability and to focus on his skills instead of doing harm to other people. I love the idea. I do not know if it is unique. Then, I see on news the facilities and they look beautiful, run and owned by responsible beautiful individuals (not the same person, each facility different owner). They both seem very interesting but the rage room looks (on TV) like an absolutely beautiful place so I will choose that one as the coolest (with music & color splashed walls).

 

[sweet jane flash]

On my mind is the mango chicken I have been marinating over night and how, though I will not like the cooking of it, good it will be and how much my husband loves my recipe also. I Love my husband so much my eyes well up with tears right now.

 

[maggiedemi]

I hope you are able to distance from your mom some day.

I hope so too. She tries to control everything. I Googled narcissist and the part about lack of empathy fits. She doesn't care how other people feel as long as she gets what she wants. Like how she won't let me use the washing machine even if I beg and cry. I've never heard of a person doing that. I've done laundry at every single house I've ever lived, stayed, or vacationed at. At classmates parents' houses, my sister-in-laws mother's house. It makes no sense why I can't do laundry in my own home.

I Love my husband so much my eyes well up with tears right now.

That's the sweetest thing I heard all day.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

I'm thinking about how I have to clip my Mom's toenails. I'm always so scared of cutting her toe and hurting her and then she screams and sends me downstairs away from her for a week.

 

[WillowMarie]

I hope so too. She tries to control everything. I Googled narcissist and the part about lack of empathy fits. She doesn't care how other people feel as long as she gets what she wants. Like how she won't let me use the washing machine even if I beg and cry. I've never heard of a person doing that. I've done laundry at every single house I've ever lived, stayed, or vacationed at. At classmates parents' houses, my sister-in-laws mother's house. It makes no sense why I can't do laundry in my own home.

Yikes, she is very controlling and could be trying to infantalize you, too. People with narc traits or who are do things like this to keep control over someone and make them feel like they are not capable of doing things. But in reality they are totally capable! It is a way to keep the person dependent on them and keep them there for, what people call "narc supple," which is drama or attention to stoke their egos. Unfortunately, I have heard of others doing this and similar. There is a support group I'm a part of where most people have narcissitic or similar parents. Honestly, I felt crazy and alone until I found the group, but realized I wasn't alone while reading many similar stories and feelings. That's the thing with having a parent who is or has these traits. It's a lot of emotional abuse, but that is really hard for some people to understand or acknowledge unless they have been through it and awake to it. For real, you should look up Kris Godinez on youtube. She has videos talking about narcissists and other unhealthy people, emotional abuse, etc. So validated and great and educational to watch!

How do you get your clothes washed when at home with your mom? I believe you that you are more than capable of doing the laundry <3

 

[Willowy]

The rage room sounds useful if it's a room you can go into and start screaming

It seems to be the lastest thing because they're opening them in Sioux Falls too (or were going to, before the pandemic. Not sure where they stand now). Axe throwing is just like playing darts but with an axe. I never thought of that as anger management. Rage rooms are places where you can put on coveralls and eye protection, then go in a room with breakable items and go crazy on them. I guess you could scream too, lol. I thought about taking my nephew. . .he's 14, 'nuff said.

 

[WillowMarie]

Rage rooms are places where you can put on coveralls and eye protection, then go in a room with breakable items and go crazy on them.

Oh, wow. That sounds really intense, haha. I can't help but think of how much trash they would have from this! Like, maybe if the items are already non-functioning, etc. Hopefully not breaking perfectly healthy things that could be used and not just end up in the landfill from this....

 

[Willowy]

Oh, yeah, they get the stuff as cheaply as possible, of course. Stuff Goodwill doesn't want, etc. Or you can bring your own items.

 

[Silver Crazy]

I hope so too. She tries to control everything. I Googled narcissist and the part about lack of empathy fits. She doesn't care how other people feel as long as she gets what she wants. Like how she won't let me use the washing machine even if I beg and cry. I've never heard of a person doing that. I've done laundry at every single house I've ever lived, stayed, or vacationed at. At classmates parents' houses, my sister-in-laws mother's house. It makes no sense why I can't do laundry in my own home.

I have dealt with a few narcissist people in my lifetime including my father and one way is to reverse your own emotional responses to what they say and do as they feed off your emotions.
Like when she says you cant do your own laundry..say oh..you going to do it for me?..then flounce out of the room like its the best thing you heard all day. Things that make you cry..laugh..things that make you angry..tell her thats great with a big grin and walk away.
Be totally unpredictable and the hold will be broken because they rely on you acting in a certain way.


Anyway..whats on my mind is :
My first day of vacation in a lock down...bad timing all around..grrr

 

[maggiedemi]

How do you get your clothes washed when at home with your mom?

She washes my clothes every 2 weeks. So I have to have a lot of clothes and underwear, 14 pairs. When the 2 weeks is up, I have to beg her to wash them. She'll say "Already?! I just washed them the other day!" even though it has been 14 days not just a few days.
She seems to hate doing laundry, yet won't allow me to. Blankets never get washed, she thinks they don't have to be washed for years. I used to sneak and wash them, but she never leaves the house now because of the quarantine. It's been over a month since I had my sheets washed. You all know how clean of a person I am, so it's torture.

 

[sweet jane flash]

I hope so too. She tries to control everything. I Googled narcissist and the part about lack of empathy fits. She doesn't care how other people feel as long as she gets what she wants. Like how she won't let me use the washing machine even if I beg and cry. I've never heard of a person doing that. I've done laundry at every single house I've ever lived, stayed, or vacationed at. At classmates parents' houses, my sister-in-laws mother's house. It makes no sense why I can't do laundry in my own home.



That's the sweetest thing I heard all day.

M maggiedemi I think you should say to your Mother thank you. Mom can I have receipt to exchange the lovely clothes for a more desirable color? Sometimes people forget. Everybody of every age forgets things. Kids forget things. Teenagers forget things. Adults forget things. Age does not usually matter with forgetfulness. It was very thoughtful of your mother to buy you clothes. I would not even really say about the color, but she will probably wonder why you want the receipt. It was kindness she wanted to get you more clothes. Maybe forgetfulness that she got wrong color. It does not matter. You do not have to wear a color you do not like. She maybe will feel hurt that you want to exchange for different color, but Mothers are always trying to get their offspring to venture towards what they might like to see. So what. Good luck with this, do not buy into wearing what she wants when you could have the color YOU want.

 

[maggiedemi]

Mom can I have receipt to exchange the lovely clothes for a more desirable color? Sometimes people forget.

It's an online order. I don't know if they are accepting returns with the Corona Virus going on.

 

[Willowy]

It was kindness she wanted to get you more clothes.

This is unfortunately not always true. Sometimes, with narcissists, it's about control.

R/raisedbynarcissists on Reddit can be a very useful resource.

I haven't heard of any online shops that aren't taking returns. They usually don't touch the returns for a few weeks so I don't think they're worried about the virus.

 

[sweet jane flash]

I'm thinking about how I have to clip my Mom's toenails. I'm always so scared of cutting her toe and hurting her and then she screams and sends me downstairs away from her for a week.

MoonstoneWolf I used to clip my Father's toenails. He did not like them as short as most of the Family members. So even though 2 other family members told me "why don't you go shorter?" I soaked the feet in massage foot bath first because I buy him this and he loves this massage/clean feet (also make toenails softer to cut immediately after). I tell 2 other family members that HE likes them longer than we do. Probably more ingrown toenails. He never let anybody but me do this task for him and I was so lucky and happy I could do this for Him to His desires. I miss him a whole lot. He is in Heaven with my Mother because she Loved Him so much She could not live without him. Her passing was only about 1 month after His. I hope this helps you with your Dear Mother.

 

[sweet jane flash]

It's an online order. I don't know if they are accepting returns with the Corona Virus going on.

M maggiedemi I don't know either, but I sent things back to JCPenney . They took them I do believe as I've not had them returned to me.

 

[WillowMarie]

Anyway..whats on my mind is :
My first day of vacation in a lock down...bad timing all around..grrr

How long is your vacation? Were there any plans you had hoped for before the lockdown? What plans do you have now for your vacation?

It's a bummer so many things have been impacted by the lock down. My oldest brother asked when we should plan the next family vacation when we had a video chat with current family. He joked and said, should we start planning for 2022? But for real, no one really knows how long the lock downs and openings will continue to help control large outbreaks.

She washes my clothes every 2 weeks. So I have to have a lot of clothes and underwear, 14 pairs. When the 2 weeks is up, I have to beg her to wash them. She'll say "Already?! I just washed them the other day!" even though it has been 14 days not just a few days.
She seems to hate doing laundry, yet won't allow me to. Blankets never get washed, she thinks they don't have to be washed for years. I used to sneak and wash them, but she never leaves the house now because of the quarantine. It's been over a month since I had my sheets washed. You all know how clean of a person I am, so it's torture.

Ugh, I'm sorry she is treating it like an inconvenience and annoyance when she is demanding she take care of it for you. That is a really twisted thing for her to do. My heart goes out to you





BTW, just saw the kittens playing with each other! It was mutual and Katrina did no hissing! Hope they cuddle with each other soon!

 

[Silver Crazy]

How long is your vacation? Were there any plans you had hoped for before the lockdown? What plans do you have now for your vacation?

It's a bummer so many things have been impacted by the lock down. My oldest brother asked when we should plan the next family vacation when we had a video chat with current family. He joked and said, should we start planning for 2022? But for real, no one really knows how long the lock downs and openings will continue to help control large outbreaks.

I am only taking a week off through necessity because I am so exhausted I can barely string 2 thoughts together.
With the shutdown I had to prep equipment to be shutdown so we dont lose programming..backups made and trucks prepped and put into storage.Also took the advantage of equipment being idle to do many repairs and modifactions. And doing this with other state managers by remote control managing what has to be done in 3 others states.
Have done more work in a couple of months than in a year it feels like.
So my vacation is going to be ..eat sleep ..play with cat..eat sleep..and so on..lol
I go onto 3 days a week when I get back but dont know how long this will last as things are starting to fire up again here now so will see what happens.
PS: A bit of horse riding is on the menu.