Cat incessantly meows outside bedroom for hours every night. Only option left to give him away?

[leo&ivy]

I’m in desperate need of help. I’ve had my 2 cats for almost 2 years now and during this entire time, most every night, I’m woken up to my male cat’s blood curtling yowls.

Some nights are better than others, but some nights like tonight, it’s been all. f’ing. night. He sits in the crevice of the door next to the wall where the door opens and pushes his face under the door so he’s essentially meowing in the room.

It honestly sounds like a meow a cat would give off if he was hurt or lost. It’s really, really loud.

I keep my door closed because both my cats have the tendency to mess with all of the stuff in my room to the point where I just don’t even let them in here anymore (eating cords, knocking things over, playing with the curtains, etc). Plus, one of them likes to ‘suckle’ fabric and will do that to me while I sleep. Letting them in is just not an option.

I also live in a small apartment where the bathroom is directly across from my bedroom, so putting him in another room doesn’t work either.

Playing with him before bed works sometimes but not always. Sometimes it’s just not possible to play with him before bed if I go out and get home late.

Like all of you, I care for both of them like they’re actual humans. They get the best food I can afford, plenty of toys, they get brushed, regular vet visits, etc.

The entire time this meowing has gone on, I’ve also NEVER succumbed to opening the door (besides tonight) and reinforced the behavior. It’s literally been over a year since I’ve probably done this.

All the resources online say that they’ll learn after some time of not getting attention. Obviously that hasn’t worked.

I also have fans going in my room and have ear plugs nearby, but the pitch of his meow cuts through everything. I even just put a big box fan in his normal spot outside my door - he doesn’t care

Presumably he’s going to live a very long time and unless I move into a place with 2 floors sometime soon (not happening) where i can separate them from me at night, i honestly don’t know how I can keep this going.

I’m honestly starting to have mini panic attacks before bed wondering when the meowing is going to start/stop.

The other cat is great. She’s so chill and sweet, but there’s something wrong with the boy. As soon as my door is closed he goes mental. It’s seeming like the only option is to give him away (but probably both of them since they’re siblings). Saddens me to think that, but I don’t know what else to do.

Sorry this got so long, it’s stirring up a lot of emotion and also needed to vent myself.

 

[r-kins]

Have you talked to the vet about this particular problem? He might be having separation anxiety from you. Perhaps some anxiety medication could help. If it's at the point where you're thinking of getting rid of him it might be the best idea. Mine has been on Reconcile in the past.

Also, is it the boy that suckles fabric? Mine does that and he's a cat with quite a bit of anxiety. It isn't hurting anything, so we got him his own blanket to suckle. Chills him out and he doesn't suck on anything else. If it's your boy cat, that might help with the anxiety.

 

[CatMama01]

Suckling can be anxiety or the cat was separated from its mother to soon. Maybe get him fixed if he isnt already?

 

[TommoLB]

Can only echo what others have said about anxiety. Poor cat and poor you for having to go through this as I imagine it's very upsetting to hear!

Try feliway (FELIWAY Classic 30 day starter kit. Diffuser and Refill. Comforts cats and helps solve behavioural issues in the home, 48 ml: Amazon.co.uk: Pet Supplies).

Also take him to the vets and explain the situation as they might have some medication to calm him down. Also maybe a cat behaviourist might have some tips - your vet may have some contacts.

 

[nwc]

Literally all night? For a year? And you live in an apartment? How have your neighbors/landlord allowed this to go on for so long?

Edit: In addition to Feliway sprays, there are also calming collars that supposedly calm the cat. You could try putting like three of them around his neck lol. There's also a a Sentry product that is kind of like a squirt bottle, but it squirts pheromones and makes a loud sound. Haven't used either though.

 

[ArtNJ]

This is a spayed/neutered cat right? Do you leave unlimited food down? If hunger isn't an issue, and there is nothing medically wrong with the cat (get the vet to check!) . . . I don't know. Maybe the vet will prescribe a tranquilizer. Being a science guy, I don't put much stock in any of the other stuff, and would rule out anything and everything else first.

 

[SpecterOhPossum]

I keep my door closed because both my cats have the tendency to mess with all of the stuff in my room to the point where I just don’t even let them in here anymore (eating cords, knocking things over, playing with the curtains, etc). Plus, one of them likes to ‘suckle’ fabric and will do that to me while I sleep. Letting them in is just not an option.

Animals are responsibilities, sorry but if you've tried 'everything' and you're this fed up then simply cat proofing the room and allowing them inside seems like the logical solution here. Suckling can be anxiety, a coping mechanism, or just a comfort thing. Not sure why it's so bothersome for you...?

From how you've framed things, my hunch is that he was separated from his mom too early on, hence the suckling caused by anxiety and obvious separation anxiety. I don't think giving him up and risking his life is a fair price for these.. Pretty fair habits given the root of them. My girl was snatched from her mother outdoors by some kid and long story short, I rescued her. She suckles, so I got her her own blanket to do it on; sometimes it takes some encouragement to get her to use it and not me and sometimes I have to partially wear the blanket on top of mine. Not really a big deal or a cumbersome task to have to do.

In any case, given your circumstances, the easy fix would be simply to just put your stuff up and let them in. Animals again are responsibilities and require some sacrificing just like kids. If you don't have a closet, or drawer, a backpack or handbag or something can work. After all, domestic animals don't have the freedoms humans have and benefit from any and all space and enrichment available.

 

[r-kins]

In any case, given your circumstances, the easy fix would be simply to just put your stuff up and let them in. Animals again are responsibilities and require some sacrificing just like kids. If you don't have a closet, or drawer, a backpack or handbag or something can work. After all, domestic animals don't have the freedoms humans have and benefit from any and all space and enrichment available.

Heck, I taped my alarm clock to the bedside table because my cat kept knocking it off. Sounds ridiculous, but it was a simple solution.

 

[ArtNJ]

It wouldn't be a sin to rehome a cat like that with someone that, like me, has a furnished basement. You are entitled to sleep. If letting him in really doesn't work, then I would ask the vet about anti-anxiety meds for before bed, and failing that, maybe it is time to look for a new home.

Also, as mentioned, you need to be sure you have ruled out hunger and the cat should be spayed/neutered, because that can cause or make a lot of behavioral things worse.

 

[FeralHearts]

My Charlie does this every night like clockwork.

What worked for me, and unfortunately I understand that it was reinforcing the behavior but it worked... so...

I would go to bed about 20 minutes earlier than normal. Like clockwork, within 10-15 minutes he would start to yowl and he is a siamese so yeah he can yowl - I would call him onto the bed, pet him and make a fuss and he would lay down beside me and relax.

We have a ritual now that works.

I get into bed. I give him a treat. He goes away without destroying anything. He starts to yowl about 10 minutes later. I call him back to me. He comes. I pet him and he lays down beside me after he gets his fill of petting and Voila. He's good.

As cats like routine, perhaps you can set one up like Charlie and I have. No more destruction in the room and no more keeping me up. He's very happy with this arrangement and so am I! :-)

 

[neely]

I understand your frustration and can also relate in part to what you're going through. Our last cat was intent on not letting us sleep and extremely adept at it too. If we let her in our room she would knock the receiver off the phone or lift the dresser pulls with her paws, all attempts to make noise and wake us up. Then if we got up she would scurry under the middle of our bed, she knew exactly what she was doing. If we closed our bedroom door she would literally throw her body against the door and yowl to her heart's content. My husband used to say when I come home from work one day she will be gone. I knew he was bluffing but I said in no uncertain terms I was not bringing her back to the shelter. I talked to the vet as well as a cat behaviorist. But once we set up a separate room for her fully equipped with litter box, bed, toys, food/water, etc. she actually calmed down and there was peace and quiet once again. I know you mentioned living in a small apartment so I don't know if putting her in a separate room is an option for you.

Here are a few threads with a similar problem to yours that might be helpful:
Cat Won't Let Me Sleep!
Im Starting To Understand Why People Rehome Pets (cats Waking Me Up)

 

[LTS3]

There's a TCS articles with tips:

How To Stop My Cat From Waking Me Up At Night (Step-By-Step Plan) - TheCatSite

Discover how to stop your cat from waking you up at night with our comprehensive step-by-step plan. This guide provides practical strategies to align your sleep patterns with your cat's, ensuring peaceful nights for everyone.

thecatsite.com

 

[leo&ivy]

Thanks for all the replies so far. I don’t think I made it clear, but I have 2 cats (brother and sister). It’s the brother that does the meowing outside my door and the sister that does the suckling.

Her suckling is kind of a problem because she ONLY does it on me.

Also they both fixed before I got them. I forget how old they were exactly, but probably a little too young because the mother was still around. I got them from a lady who was fostering for a shelter. But anyway...

I checked out the ‘How to Stop My Cat From Waking Me Up at Night’ article. I used to play with him religiously every night with a wand toy when I was really trying to combat this problem. Then I gradually stopped and was only really throwing his mouse toy around, which he still seemed to enjoy.

It was a little disheartening to see at the end of the article this statement, because that’s at the step I’m at:

But if it’s been over a week and there’s no sign of change at all, then it may be time to consider the last resort: Keeping Kitty outside your bedroom during the night. We hope it won’t come to this though because sleeping in the same area brings comfort to both felines and humans. However, sleep deprivation can be tough on our body and mind. If your cat’s wake up tactics are driving you crazy, protect your sanity and keep Kitty out of the bedroom.

I will be contacting the vet tomorrow to see what I can do about meds. I feel bad going that route because he’s only 2. Am I supposed to give him anti anxiety meds for the next 18 years?

Oh and some of you asked about food. I do not free feed. I give them an almost perfectly portioned amount of food for their weights and will usually see some dry food leftover the next morning. So don’t think it’s a physical need issue.

He also will sometimes do the same cry if I’m in my room during the day (which is more often now because of the lockdowns).

Its 1am right now and since I’ve already responded to him the other night, I did tonight as well and tried putting him in the bathroom - which is unfortunately right across from my bedroom and can hear him crying now.

Growing up we had several cats, all my friends have cats... I’ve NEVER dealt with this.

 

[Time 2 Recognize]

It sounds like he really doesnt like not having access to you. The way cats are in packs/groups, it does make sense if he is super attached to you (maybe uniquely to other cats you've known if he has mom issues). Personally, I'd try and find a way to have a good routine or set up room in a way that he can't damage or get into things. I don't have a door to my bedroom, so I just have had my room "cat proofed" for my Echo who I've raised since 4months old. She's going to be 2 in a week and I know if I'm right on the other side of a door and she cannot be in with me, she will meow and complain and complain....If I'm totally gone or outside, fine, but just behind a door in a room without her...heck no she will be upset. And if I don't exercise her prior to bedtime, she will find trouble or wake me up an hour before my alarm (I don't know how she always knows what time I set it to, but she does her research when taking this revenge method).

I know you said having them in your room is a not-gonna-happen thing so if maybe something else would stop his yowling, but finding a way to make the room cat proofed is what I would personally do. I sorta had no choice in my situation. Routine and enough exercise/entertainment during the day results in a good nights sleep for us both reliably 95% of the time. I don't know if there are wire covers (that sounds like the most dangerous habit/interest), but there's got to be a way to tuck those out of harms way or cover them ...

Try the feliway though. Echo had a sprained leg a month or so back and I had to keep her in connected pet pens to reduce risk of reinjur and allow her leg time to heal. She was super complainy at first, but did adjust and I think the feliway definitely helped. That being said, I've seen a lot of "studies" show no statistical effect. So I dunno. Does he have a cat tree or corner of the house outside your room that is really his? Like is the rest of the home set up to feel like his domain? Maybe there's room to enrich the outside-your-room areas that would feel more secure and happy for him at night to sleep without you. Other thing that has helped calm my kitty is cat music on youtube. I leave an 8 hour one playing whenever I leave and when she had to be in the pens to heal, you could try leaving some cat music on low in your home at night and see if that helps calm him some

 

[leo&ivy]

It sounds like he really doesnt like not having access to you. The way cats are in packs/groups, it does make sense if he is super attached to you (maybe uniquely to other cats you've known if he has mom issues). Personally, I'd try and find a way to have a good routine or set up room in a way that he can't damage or get into things. I don't have a door to my bedroom, so I just have had my room "cat proofed" for my Echo who I've raised since 4months old. She's going to be 2 in a week and I know if I'm right on the other side of a door and she cannot be in with me, she will meow and complain and complain....If I'm totally gone or outside, fine, but just behind a door in a room without her...heck no she will be upset. And if I don't exercise her prior to bedtime, she will find trouble or wake me up an hour before my alarm (I don't know how she always knows what time I set it to, but she does her research when taking this revenge method).

I know you said having them in your room is a not-gonna-happen thing so if maybe something else would stop his yowling, but finding a way to make the room cat proofed is what I would personally do. I sorta had no choice in my situation. Routine and enough exercise/entertainment during the day results in a good nights sleep for us both reliably 95% of the time. I don't know if there are wire covers (that sounds like the most dangerous habit/interest), but there's got to be a way to tuck those out of harms way or cover them ...

Try the feliway though. Echo had a sprained leg a month or so back and I had to keep her in connected pet pens to reduce risk of reinjur and allow her leg time to heal. She was super complainy at first, but did adjust and I think the feliway definitely helped. That being said, I've seen a lot of "studies" show no statistical effect. So I dunno. Does he have a cat tree or corner of the house outside your room that is really his? Like is the rest of the home set up to feel like his domain? Maybe there's room to enrich the outside-your-room areas that would feel more secure and happy for him at night to sleep without you. Other thing that has helped calm my kitty is cat music on youtube. I leave an 8 hour one playing whenever I leave and when she had to be in the pens to heal, you could try leaving some cat music on low in your home at night and see if that helps calm him some

My apartments probably 800sqft and essentially the whole thing is theirs besides the bedroom now.

They have a huge cat tree, two tall scratching posts, and the INSIDE of one of the couches (since they destroyed the fabric underneath and burrowed inside)

I guess trying to let them both inside the room is worth a shot at this point. I’ve already completely ruined all of the progress (if there ever was any) I made by my actions the last few nights.

I do have wire covers on all the wires, but the cat that likes to chew the wires ALSO likes to chew the covers. They’re some heavy duty plastic and make a loud crunch sound that seems pretty satistying to the girl cat.

 

[Jcatbird]

I have a lot of kitties and understand the sleep thing. I sympathize! I totally agree with letting them in. You are their parent and as cats that were separated early it’s especially important to them to have access to you when you are at your most vulnerable which is during sleep. Not only do they want to be near you, they are watching over you. I had the priviledge to live closely with a feral colony for two years. By closely I mean basically living amongst them. If a cat accepts you as family, they truly see you as family. You have given food, shelter, love and to them, you are their trusted loved one. If all is well health wise, I would suggest providing a routine of play, putting out extra food to munch on, putting out catnip kicker toys that are only for bedtime, using Felliway diffusers ( work for some cats but not others) or let them in. My cats ( I have a suckler too and he leaves hickeys! Lol) want some time to be with me but then leave to graze and play elsewhere. They may end up getting in bed with me later but mostly occupy themselves and find another spot for sleep. I found that toys that are food puzzles work well too. My suckler likes a blanket that has a knobby sort of fabric and goes for that unless I am holding him. Most of my cats are content to sleep on a blanket inside a carrier or box. It helps and I put them near where I sleep. I think if you give it some time and don’t deny them access, they will settle down. That’s not to say you will never have occasional events but so far, these tips have never failed me. Cats tend to be very determined and especially if they feel denied. Lol If you tried to insist they sleep with you, they would probably run to the other room. Have you tried carrying them to bed with you every night? If they left the bed and you got up to retrieve them repeatedly, they would be very likely to start avoiding you. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now but it’s pretty awesome how much they love you and want to be near you. If they weren’t there, I am betting you would really miss them and feel very differently. You obviously love them and have given them a very strong bond. Not everyone gets that kind of attention from their cats. You have done something very, very well.

 

[auntarctica]

They both sound like they have emotional issues likely from being taken from their mothers too early. If they were shelter kittens and given up at 8 weeks, that is just so early. Once his emotional needs are met, he should calm down. Are you home all day right now? If so, it's a good time to spend quality time with them. Training with treats, bonding exercises, affection. Food is security too. So you may want to consider feeding dry food all day, as a lot of folks do and recommend. That way he has that as a comfort. Perhaps try putting down dry food at night, and set up a cat warming type bed, either with a warming pad and a super fluffy bed they both can fit in. Essentially, give them a reason to want to be outside the bedroom. If that doesn't work (after a good month or two try), then, I would be inclined to just go with it. Let things be. Rearrange your bedroom, get the cord protectors people use with pet parrots to protect them from the electrical cords (big box stores have these), use bitterapple or straight lemon juice to prevent chewing, would still offer food at night, and do the bed thing in your bedroom if you do not want them on top of you. Perhaps during 'training' time, and while they are still young, box up some of your stuff in your room, so they don't knock things over. Meeting their emotional needs now, will prevent long time behavioral patterns in the long term. At 3 -4 cats start mellowing out. Also, exercise them a lot during the day, and interrupt their sleep during the day, that will knock them out at night. They are nocturnal, so fix that. Make them want to sleep at night.

 

[pearl99]

I have a cat, Gracie, who hates being separated and I went through the same thing and have had to let her have the run of the house at night. I would have her in the finished basement every other night (she's still fairly new to my household, adopted her in November) and she and my others aren't sitting on the couch or bed at the same time yet.
One night the others got to have the upstairs with my bedroom, the next night Gracie- didn't work.
She is very attached. I pay extra attention to the others during the day, and they have extra lap time and play.
I'd try to find some way to let him in at night, with all above suggestions, but also as said above you must have you sleep, take care of you first.
And, my daughter has a cat who was exactly like yours. He is 3 years old now. She tried everything, and finally a prescribed medication from the vet worked. He'd body slam, scratch carpet and door, yowl if kept outside of her bedroom- and would chew wires when in her room. So I also would definitely talk to the vet. Not saying meds are the answer for yours, but it can work.

 

[nwc]

Growing up we had several cats, all my friends have cats... I’ve NEVER dealt with this.

Were they indoor/outdoor, or were they indoor only.

 

[war&wisdom]

My indoor-only cats, adopted at 8 weeks after they were orphaned and then fostered, absolutely need to be in my bedroom with me at night. I only keep them out when they want breakfast too early and start making noise in my room. But my boy especially is heartbroken whenever he can't be near me at night.