- Joined
- Jul 11, 2019
- Messages
- 24
- Purraise
- 38
So sorry if this is in the wrong thread area, I wasn't sure.
I had to give up my cat on the 28th of July this year for a number of reasons and with the support of this site, I did (to an excellent, verified no-kill shelter). I was extremely devastated but I still knew it was the best decision in my situation, especially for my fur-baby. However, about a month ago, my circumstances began to really change and at my own place and with major life changes, I felt I'd go ahead and re-adopt her. My mom thought it was too soon though and convinced me to focus on my life, and so I did. I still envisioned having kitty back before winter, though. But about a few days, my mom admitted she cries often over the loss and just said stuff to make me feel better, but in reality she was miserable and missed seeing her. Finally, my heart seriously opened up to the idea of having her again really soon rather than later, because my life is not only in a different place, but I could picture things working out now with all the changes. I re-did my entire room with my cat in mind, and was going to go buy all her things and went to mom's, who had piled up some of her old belongings that were kept.
Sadly, when I called the shelter an hour ago to tell them I'd visit tomorrow, they told me that she had been adopted out exactly a month ago (I stopped calling/checking because I would basically have a breakdown every time afterwards - however, they were supposed to notify me if she were to be adopted). I was happy that she had met someone who took her in, but at the same time, my heart crushed to pieces all over again just like it did when I gave her up. I had foolishly given myself so much hope and expectation over having her back that I never really considered this obvious possibility. Yes, it's completely my fault and responsibility. I mean, I gave her away permanently, for life, not expecting to have her back ever again. I gave her up. I chose that. She now completely and rightfully belongs to her new owner and this is just something I have to accept. At the same time, my heart is freshly shattered again as if I lost her all over again but this time with zero chance of ever seeing her again. No visits, no possibilities. It doesn't help that my mom can't stop crying and feeling guilty about disagreeing a month back.
Again, I am fully aware that this was my choice and this is the consequence. It's just... how do I recover from this? I feel like a monster for giving her away but also cruel - I have no reassurance that the new owner is as nice or patient with a difficult cat like her, etc. I don't know if my cat misses me, if she knows what happened, if she's disturbed... And yet, I gave her away. I did that. Obviously, I regret things but I know I was at my own mercy back then and had no other option at that time. I'm here now and I can never go back. I can never see her again and I cannot re-do my decisions and actions. I don't want any other cat. No cat is that cat. That cat, was my cat. How do I live with this choice...
Thank you again to this forum though, for being there at every step I was stuck at so far. I am just shocked at my own self and everything in general. I cannot fully process that I will never see her again. I can't stop crying either. Again, yes, I did this. It makes it all that much worse. Will I ever be okay... this feels so unreal. I really don't think I'll ever get over this.
I had to give up my cat on the 28th of July this year for a number of reasons and with the support of this site, I did (to an excellent, verified no-kill shelter). I was extremely devastated but I still knew it was the best decision in my situation, especially for my fur-baby. However, about a month ago, my circumstances began to really change and at my own place and with major life changes, I felt I'd go ahead and re-adopt her. My mom thought it was too soon though and convinced me to focus on my life, and so I did. I still envisioned having kitty back before winter, though. But about a few days, my mom admitted she cries often over the loss and just said stuff to make me feel better, but in reality she was miserable and missed seeing her. Finally, my heart seriously opened up to the idea of having her again really soon rather than later, because my life is not only in a different place, but I could picture things working out now with all the changes. I re-did my entire room with my cat in mind, and was going to go buy all her things and went to mom's, who had piled up some of her old belongings that were kept.
Sadly, when I called the shelter an hour ago to tell them I'd visit tomorrow, they told me that she had been adopted out exactly a month ago (I stopped calling/checking because I would basically have a breakdown every time afterwards - however, they were supposed to notify me if she were to be adopted). I was happy that she had met someone who took her in, but at the same time, my heart crushed to pieces all over again just like it did when I gave her up. I had foolishly given myself so much hope and expectation over having her back that I never really considered this obvious possibility. Yes, it's completely my fault and responsibility. I mean, I gave her away permanently, for life, not expecting to have her back ever again. I gave her up. I chose that. She now completely and rightfully belongs to her new owner and this is just something I have to accept. At the same time, my heart is freshly shattered again as if I lost her all over again but this time with zero chance of ever seeing her again. No visits, no possibilities. It doesn't help that my mom can't stop crying and feeling guilty about disagreeing a month back.
Again, I am fully aware that this was my choice and this is the consequence. It's just... how do I recover from this? I feel like a monster for giving her away but also cruel - I have no reassurance that the new owner is as nice or patient with a difficult cat like her, etc. I don't know if my cat misses me, if she knows what happened, if she's disturbed... And yet, I gave her away. I did that. Obviously, I regret things but I know I was at my own mercy back then and had no other option at that time. I'm here now and I can never go back. I can never see her again and I cannot re-do my decisions and actions. I don't want any other cat. No cat is that cat. That cat, was my cat. How do I live with this choice...
Thank you again to this forum though, for being there at every step I was stuck at so far. I am just shocked at my own self and everything in general. I cannot fully process that I will never see her again. I can't stop crying either. Again, yes, I did this. It makes it all that much worse. Will I ever be okay... this feels so unreal. I really don't think I'll ever get over this.
Last edited: