Jealous Cat Dad

[dustydiamond1]

Bribe the cats with treats
Play with the cat
Rub dog scent on the brother in laws clothing
Get rid of brother in law
Win over leia

 

[dustydiamond1]

I just gotta ask...
Does your brother in law like him, I mean, interact with him, play with him, enjoy his company or does he tolerate his presence, maybe give him a gruff somewhat affectionate pat and then ignore him, allowing him to sleep on his bed/hang out while watching TV?

 

[dustydiamond1]

Apologies in advance, this will be a long story/post.

I live in a house with 5 family members - me and my wife, my brother-in-law, his wife and son.. My wife and I do not have any children so we decided to get a cat - Charlie, whom we got from a friend of a friend.

We've had Charlie since he was a little under two-months old. Now he's about 11 months old. Since i'm a freelancer, I'm mostly at home. And my wife works long hours. I'm the one who feeds him wet lunches and dinners. Groom him. Mind him.

Charlie was like my boy - I love him to bits. When he was 7 months old we got him a companion, Leia - who was just a month younger than him. It took us a long time to get this extremely shy girl to come out of her shell but we did eventually. But even with the new addition, i gave extra attention to charlie - i guess I was being a favoritism father.

But as months go by and as my work got me working till 3am, slowly i've noticed that Charlie prefers hanging around with my brother-in-law. Sleeping on his bed, watching Netflix with him. Waiting on him. It made me jealous at first but I paid no thought to it - i just made sure to give him more attention.

Recently Charlie fell ill so we took him to the vet - I was making sure to check on him regularly, pet him and give him his meds. During this period he'd be finding cool corner spots to lie on and sleep. And then yesterday, as he was slowly getting better, I approached him to check on him. I stroked him on his sides where he was lying down. He used his hind leg and pushed my hand away, walked off towards where my brother-in-law was sitting with his tail up..

I have to admit it felt heartbreaking. I went to my bathroom, thinking about the times i fed him, cared for him, played with him - since he was a little kitten. Then naturally the waterworks rolled. I talked with it with my wife - she tries to assure me that it's a phase, but i know she's stumped too.

Was it because I had a 4 month job that require me to come home late everyday? Is it because we keep our two cats in our room when we sleep? But even if we do, both our cats make time to kiss my wife. Or maybe I smother him too much? Pick him up too much? Tell him "No" too many times?

I'm still feeding them, getting them good food no matter how finicky eaters both have become. It just feels harder now knowing that Charlie sees me as just another person in the house, whose room contains kibbles, rather than his favorite person. I know I'm being petty - that i should love him no matter what. It's just heartbreaking for me.

Just asking for advice to get through this.

You aren't being petty, it's a heartbreaking situation Lots of great suggestions here . Keep us updated.

 

[dustydiamond1]

I don't have any advice but I would definitely feel the same way if I was in your situation. I think it's completely reasonable and not petty to feel that way, after all the love you've shown Charlie, and I hope things get better somehow

Agree!

 

[dustydiamond1]

Hello and welcome to TCS.

Sorry you're feeling sad about not being Charlie's only purr-son anymore.

I'm guessing the 4 months that you had to work till 3 am has something to do with Charlie's hanging around your brother-in-law more. Plus the fact that Charlie was ill. Not to mention he's not a little kitten anymore.

Please also keep in mind that cats don't understand that we want their love and affection in return for everything we do for them.

In no way am I suggesting that Charlie doesn't like you, but there might be some tips in getting him back to his old routine with you in this TCS article where 14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me.

 

[dustydiamond1]

Cats are funny in their affection. Charlie is probably going through the teenage phase right now. My boy, Link, did that too. He went from sleeping with me every night to sleeping at the other end of the house. I was heartbroken too but I knew it was what he wanted. He also decided he didn't like being pet and wanted his space.

After about a year he started sleeping with me again. I was so happy and excited. Then about six months later he started sleeping across the house again.... You get the picture. He changes his sleeping spots every few months but I take solace that he comes back to me between other places.

The not like being pet just makes the moments when he does want to be pet all the more special.

I also have a little girl, Rocket, who isn't big on people other than me. She followed me everywhere and only wanted to be around me. Until my brother, who doesn't like cats, moved in and all of the sudden he was her person. That one hurt more because I was her person for years. But she too came back after a few weeks of preference to my brother. She seems to go back and forth between us now depending on her mood. The funny part is he actually likes her too. He yelled at me the other day for not feeding her when she came in demanding dinner, l.

Cats...

 

[1 bruce 1]

You aren't being petty, it's a heartbreaking situation Lots of great suggestions here . Keep us updated.

Yup, this is frustrating.
Which is why I'm wondering about the "Uncle" in the house..
If he's nice to the cat and loves him and plays with him, it could very well be what others mentioned...he does all the stuff you do, minus the pills. And minus the worry and emotions. This isn't suggesting you DON'T worry or DON'T have emotions for this guy.
If he's gruffer and accepts the cat but doesn't do much interacting, it's very possible IMO that this cat has realized there's another dude in this house that hasn't exactly taken to him in the way you have. As stupid and ridiculous as it sounds (and as ridiculous as I feel even suggesting it), this cat may be "courting" this guy in a way as if to feel he's accepted and liked equally by all, not just you and your other family members. Sometimes "gruff", but kind, gets reactions like this. They want everyone to like them and everyone to be happy, so they're able to find the one person they think might not be "as" adoring as the rest and set about making that change.
It's probably why people will often say that, if you put a cat into a room with 100 people, and 99 of them love cats and 1 hates them, the cat will gravitate towards the one person that does NOT like cats and want to sit on their lap, rub against their legs, etc.

 

[1 bruce 1]

As another example, one of my most dearest friends adopted 2 kittens in the span of a week, both by happy accident. Their spouse was not happy, but accepted them. My friend did all the feeding, tending, cleaning, mothering, caring, vetting, etc., yet these two kittens gravitated towards the spouse and "chose" this person. A year or more later...the spouse, who used to kind of not interact with them, happily, is almost MORE protective of them than my friend and the cats have two wonderful people who would probably shank anyone in the gut if they tried to hurt the cats intentionally.

Charlie is 11 months. That is not old by any means, and he's been with you 9 of those months. This is not a long time at all.
He's a teenager, a young adult, and is probably trying to suss out what's what and who is whom and where he stands with everyone. He may have more subtly worked on the other members of the household before you realized it.
I know it sucks. We rear them by hand, we wipe their little butts and feed them and groom them and give them everything and they go off and act like this random person they've never met is the greatest thing ever and we're left thinking "listen, you little turkey, remember who has given you all this food, all these toys, etc?" It's frustrating but just give it time, be cool and happy with him. If he comes in the room, say a bright, cheerful hello and go back to what you're doing. Cats like the chill life =)

 

[dustydiamond1]

My work is long and frustrating, but i generally leave all that at work. I looked forward to seeing him and my wife when I get back. I will try backing off and work nearby his spots. Perhaps that would help.
Thank you.

When we are at work we look forward to coming home to our Gypsy girl. When we get home she acts like she couldn't care less.

 

[1 bruce 1]

When we are at work we look forward to coming home to our Gypsy girl. When we get home she acts like she couldn't care less.

I routinely arrive back, go in the back door, see a cat and say "I'm so happy to see you!!!!!!" and they stare at me, stand up and walk away.

Brats.

 

[dustydiamond1]

As another example, one of my most dearest friends adopted 2 kittens in the span of a week, both by happy accident. Their spouse was not happy, but accepted them. My friend did all the feeding, tending, cleaning, mothering, caring, vetting, etc., yet these two kittens gravitated towards the spouse and "chose" this person. A year or more later...the spouse, who used to kind of not interact with them, happily, is almost MORE protective of them than my friend and the cats have two wonderful people who would probably shank anyone in the gut if they tried to hurt the cats intentionally.

Charlie is 11 months. That is not old by any means, and he's been with you 9 of those months. This is not a long time at all.
He's a teenager, a young adult, and is probably trying to suss out what's what and who is whom and where he stands with everyone. He may have more subtly worked on the other members of the household before you realized it.
I know it sucks. We rear them by hand, we wipe their little butts and feed them and groom them and give them everything and they go off and act like this random person they've never met is the greatest thing ever and we're left thinking "listen, you little turkey, remember who has given you all this food, all these toys, etc?" It's frustrating but just give it time, be cool and happy with him. If he comes in the room, say a bright, cheerful hello and go back to what you're doing. Cats like the chill life =)

And most hate to be ignored. Good point brought up that he is a typical teenager.

 

[1 bruce 1]

And most hate to be ignored. Good point brought up that he is a typical teenager.

Yep, and most humans do too, so if you pay attention to them or try to spend time with them, they're like "GO AWAY"...so you do, and they call you 2 seconds later "...hey, where'd ya go?" =D
We're really all a bit more alike than we realize sometimes!!

 

[dustydiamond1]

To put it in a different perspective, when you were a kid didn't you like the fun uncle? The fun uncle isn't taking him to the vet and medicating him.

I'm in a similar situation right now. For the past few years my cat has been going to the vet every three weeks for a B-12 shot. I bring her, not my husband. For at least a few days after she would hide when I came down in the morning all dressed up with shoes on. Not long ago she had an issue. She went to the vet numerous times, twice having to stay for a few hours and getting an ultrasound to include having her stomach shaved. She gets liquid medication every morning now for the past three weeks. She hates it. I give it to her, not the cat dad. So, now she hides from me after her breakfast because she knows the med is coming. If the dad walks into the room, she runs to him in a "save me" manner. If I am petting her and the dad walks into the room, the leaves me and goes to him. I really do know how you feel. The cat dad is going to have to learn how to give her the meds occasionally. I still don't know how much that will help my cause.

 

[dustydiamond1]

Yeah, he doesn't that as much as i do. Guess it's the over affection of the human kind that puts Charlie off..

 

[dustydiamond1]

When he was getting medicine were you the one giving? Try approaching him with play rather than pets for a little while.

 

[dustydiamond1]

Yep, and most humans do too, so if you pay attention to them or try to spend time with them, they're like "GO AWAY"...so you do, and they call you 2 seconds later "...hey, where'd ya go?" =D
We're really all a bit more alike than we realize sometimes!!

 

[dustydiamond1]

I routinely arrive back, go in the back door, see a cat and say "I'm so happy to see you!!!!!!" and they stare at me, stand up and walk away.

Brats.

 

[dustydiamond1]

Yup, this is frustrating.
Which is why I'm wondering about the "Uncle" in the house..
If he's nice to the cat and loves him and plays with him, it could very well be what others mentioned...he does all the stuff you do, minus the pills. And minus the worry and emotions. This isn't suggesting you DON'T worry or DON'T have emotions for this guy.
If he's gruffer and accepts the cat but doesn't do much interacting, it's very possible IMO that this cat has realized there's another dude in this house that hasn't exactly taken to him in the way you have. As stupid and ridiculous as it sounds (and as ridiculous as I feel even suggesting it), this cat may be "courting" this guy in a way as if to feel he's accepted and liked equally by all, not just you and your other family members. Sometimes "gruff", but kind, gets reactions like this. They want everyone to like them and everyone to be happy, so they're able to find the one person they think might not be "as" adoring as the rest and set about making that change.
It's probably why people will often say that, if you put a cat into a room with 100 people, and 99 of them love cats and 1 hates them, the cat will gravitate towards the one person that does NOT like cats and want to sit on their lap, rub against their legs, etc.

 

[1 bruce 1]

Yeah, he doesn't that as much as i do. Guess it's the over affection of the human kind that puts Charlie off..

It could be...or it could be something different.
Bear in mind he's a young cat in a house hold with many humans. You've been the best "cat dad" ever. But from the eyes of a teen with a good dad, their dad is "OK", but they're branching out and want to hang out with the "cool people" (aka the ones they don't know as well).
I got along with my parents really good. But when I was 13-14, I was suddenly kind of not loving the idea of dinner with them, shopping with them, etc. I wanted to hang out with new people.
This is probably WAY personifying cats but I figure it's worth throwing that out there.

 

[dustydiamond1]

I've seen the fun uncle thing (never had one myself). I'm sorry for your predicament. Seems you have it worse than me. Perhaps this thread would be useful to both of us - since i'm also medicating him for the moment. Charlie was upset with me the whole day for trying to sneek meds into his favorite treat.